At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet. ~ Plato

In “An intimate gift for Hubby,” SensuousHappyHubby encourages wives to masturbate for their husbands. Many men report loving the sight of their wives being aroused and achieving orgasm. If your husband has experienced sexual refusal or gate-keeping in your marriage, masturbating for him has the added bonus of demonstrating your acceptance of yourself as a sexual being.

Is this something your husband would like you to try? Do you read SensuousHappyHubby’s post and think, “I would never be able to do that!” If you’ve never done it, then jumping right in full-blown would be pretty intimidating. So let’s look at some steps you could take toward masturbating for your husband.

Know your own body. Do you know how to bring yourself to orgasm? If you do, then move on to the next section. Otherwise, your first step is going to be to discuss masturbation with your husband. Some Christians believe it is a sin; others don’t. (You can find several articles on Christian views on masturbation at The Marriage Bed.) If either you or your husband believe that solo masturbation in marriage is sinful, then your husband can help you get to know your body better. However, if it’s okay with both of you that you do some solo exploration, then find a time when you can relax and get to know yourself.

I’m not going to give a how-to on masturbation, but use your hands to explore your body—not just your sexual parts, but your arms, stomach, and legs as well. What gives you tingles? You could try touching yourself in the same way your husband does with his hands. Women often prefer a gentler and slower touch than men do, so you also can take what your husband does and modify it so it is slower and gentler. Try different touches. If your marriage bed includes toys such as vibrators or dildos and you want to masturbate for him that way, make sure you are comfortable handling the items on your own.

Learn to touch yourself in front of your husband. Whether or not you have masturbated on your own, when you are sharing your sexuality with your husband, I believe touching yourself sexually is okay. Knowing how your body responds to your own touch is essential in masturbating for your husband. But then what? Doing it on your own is one thing, but doing it while your husband is watching feels different. He’s watching me! He’s staring at my vulva! He’s going to see my tummy jiggle! He’s watching my face to see if I’m having an orgasm! I have performance anxiety! Ack! Fortunately, there are some ways to build up to full-blown masturbation in front of him.

  • Let your husband help. Use your husband’s touch to get you started. Over time (days or weeks, perhaps) move through these steps.
    • Begin by placing your hands over your husband’s hands when he is touching you sexually.
    • At first, simply follow his movements. Gradually, you can occasionally guide his hands a bit, perhaps slowing his movements down or moving his finger just a bit to the left.
    • After you’re comfortable with this, keep one of your hands on his and use your other hand to entertain yourself elsewhere—caressing your breasts, stroking your leg, etc. This is where anything you learned during solo masturbation comes in “handy.” (I couldn’t resist.)
    • Next, switch spots—move your husband’s hand to your breasts or other sensitive places while you take over between your legs.
    • Finally, move your husband’s hands away completely and let him watch you take care of yourself.
  • Let there be light—but not right away. If the thought of your husband watching you masturbate makes you anxious, then don’t let him watch just yet. Start with the lights off. You can begin by masturbating in his presence while he can hear but not see. Once you’re comfortable with this, add some dim lighting. Then, when you’re ready, you can move up to full light. As you gradually increase the lighting, you can ask your husband to wear a blindfold while you get used to the new lighting level.
  • Distract your husband. If being the center of attention is uncomfortable even though it’s just you and your husband, you can masturbate while your husband is being sexually stimulated.
    • Touch yourself while giving him oral sex. Some men will say that this is an amazing visual one-two punch. Plus, if you vocalize during orgasm, he will feel the vibrations around his penis.
    • Touch yourself with one hand while using your other hand on him.
    • Encourage him to kiss you (on the mouth or breasts) or hold you while you masturbate.
    • Ask him to masturbate at the same time. Some women love watching this as much as their husbands love watching them. It becomes a mutual masturbation show.

To finish or not to finish? Maybe you want to experience an orgasm only with your husband inside you. Or maybe it’s important to one of you that your orgasm involve both of you. There’s no rule that you have to reach orgasm under your own power. You can arouse yourself until you’re close and then bring your husband back into the game. Masturbate for him only as foreplay or while you’re stimulating him orally or with your hands. Or do it as the finishing touch of a strip tease.

Ask your husband if this is something he would like you to do for him if he hasn’t brought it up himself. Your husband may be one who prefers to be part of your arousal and orgasm, or he may find it too difficult to be patient waiting for you to finish.

If this is something your husband would like, it may be difficult at first—but as you see his response to your masturbation, it will get easier. You may even decide that you think it’s really hot, too!

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10 Thoughts on “Showing the Touch of Love

  1. This essay may help many couples. I applaud your addressing this issue in a positive, constructive manner. Wives who have had sexual intimacy issues/problems with their husbands can benefit by becoming more comfortable with their own bodies.

    The suggestion that the wife stimulate herself while she gives oral sex to her husband can also help the wife who is still a little uncomfortable with giving oral sex. By stimulating herself at the same time, she can make the oral play more enjoyable for herself. As well, once in an aroused state, she can also be more receptive, or sensitive to the exciting sensations she is receiving and experiencing with her mouth. An added plus is that her husband will (mentally) feel good knowing that she is feeling good.

  2. Thanks for taking on difficult subjects. You’ve given us a lot to think about.

  3. I appreciate you dealing with a hard subject like this. As a guy, I have to say I would love it if my wife did something like this for me. I can see how it would hard for her to do. For that matter, even though I am the much more adventurous one in our family, I would find it a little difficult to do this for her, but I would if she really wanted me to.

    Something that I would enjoy almost as much, but I think would be much easier for her to do, would be one of the following: I love it when she does a striptease dance for me, it is so sensual. Sometimes she seems to take on whole different persona when she does this. Something else I would love to see her do is to do a lap dance for me. It would be so hot for her to do that and the nice thing is she could take it as far as she would like it to go.

    One final thought, I heard about his one years ago, not sure where, but this couple had just come home from their honeymoon. The next day, while the guy was in the shower, his wife came in and started to masturbate for him. He went to her, she said, to not touch, just to watch, during the show, she told him that if he ever felt the need to relieve himself in the shower, she wanted to make sure that he was thinking about her, not anyone else. While she was putting on a show for him, he could not but help put one on for her. (Off hand I would say this guy was a lucky man.)

  4. Pingback: Do Your Baby Daddy | The Forgiven Wife

  5. There is no doubt that for most husbands the thought of their wife masturbating for them is extremely arousing and sensual. I understand that the reverse concept is somewhat hit or miss in terms of arousal for wives, but trust me, for men the chances of it being one of their top fantasies or wishes is likely to be near 100%. In addition to being extremely arousing, I have to believe that the level of disinhibition involved with masturbating for your spouse will necessarily break down most, if not all, remaining personal barriers to intimate expression. I offered to do this for my wife some time ago and completed the act. While she did not find the experience to be that exciting, the act of “letting go” on my part was surprisingly intimate.

    • Masturbation is such a private act, which makes it very intimate to do in front of your spouse. Women who dislike the thought of their husbands masturbating alone might be surprised by the eroticism and intimacy when it is a shared act.

  6. Raye Filers on August 16, 2016 at 10:30 am said:

    Thanks for addressing this in a Christian perspective. We live in a culture where Satan has taken everything about sexuality and turned it upside down. Outside marriage sex is portrayed as exciting and fun. Inside marriage sex is portrayed as boring and drudgery. Unfortunately, seems Christians over the past years have made this true by embedding into their children that “sex is sin”. Then these children take that concept into marriage, making “the marriage bed” in many Christian homes exactly what Hollywood portrays. Dull drudgery.

    If Christian wives (and in some cases husbands) would wake up to the gift God has given us in sexuality with our life-long marriage partner! Well, it wouldn’t solve all marriage problems, but it sure would go a good ways toward it!

    I applaud any wife who is willing to express her love in this very intimate, uninhibited way with her husband. God made men as visual creatures. As somebody else said, almost any husband will become very excited by a wife who recognizes and taps into fulfilling this need.

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