I love the idea of asking Big Guy questions that could develop into interesting conversations.
Here are some questions that would work for my marriage.
- What is one of your favorite memories from when our marriage was young?
- What is the most fun thing we’ve ever done together?
- When we’re old and in the nursing home together, what can we do to be sexy together and make the staff refer to us as “that” couple?
- What can I do to help you grow closer to God?
- What is something you’d like us to do together during the next year?
- What is an area in your life you are struggling to give over to God (because I can pray about that for you)?
- What is the thing we do during sex that makes you feel most loved?
- What is the thing we do during sex that feels the most awesome physically?
- What is something I do that makes you feel disrespected, so I can work on it?
- What do you most enjoy doing with my [fill in the blank with a favorite body part]?
These questions would work great for our marriage, except for one thing:
While I love the idea of a list of questions, Big Guy doesn’t.
He says that questions feel a bit contrived to him. He would rather talk about things that come up organically in conversation.
When I really want to go through a list of questions, Big Guy humors me. After all, he loves me. He knows that I like going through lists of questions, and he wants me to be happy.
I don’t like to do that to him, though, since I know how much he dislikes these kinds of things.
So what can you do if you want to find out a bit more about a husband who doesn’t like lists of questions? What can you do if you want to give him a chance to learn more about you?
Let me share what has worked for us.
I start with the questions I want to ask—but I don’t ask them out loud. I ask them of myself–and then start the conversation with my response. Rather than give Big Guy the question itself and put him on the spot, I use my own response to the question as a starting point for a conversation.
Instead of “Honey, here’s a question: What is your favorite memory as a couple? Okay, go,” I say, “Honey, I was thinking today about some memories of us as a couple. I started thinking about that time when . . . “ All of a sudden, we’re having a conversation.
We learn a lot about each other. He’s happy because he doesn’t feel like he is being quizzed or put on the spot, and I’m happy because I get to learn how he would answer the questions.
If your husband, like mine, doesn’t like lists of questions, try using your own responses to the questions in your conversation. Your husband may have more to say than either of you realizes!
Be sure to take a look at questions from other marriage bloggers, too.