5 Things You Can Do When You Get Stuck

A Story of a Child

In a recent sermon, our pastor told the story of a little boy who put his head between the bars of a metal railing. As has happened to many children, he couldn’t pull himself back out. (Those little ears really do get in the way, don’t they?) He was stuck.

He was frightened, so he screamed for his mama. She tried and tried to pull him out, without success. She pulled. She tried turning him and then pulling him. She even poured cooking oil on his head in hopes of greasing his way out. Nothing worked. She thought the only option was going to be to bring in someone to dismantle the railing in order to set the child free.

A man came along to help. He pointed out that the head is the biggest part of a child’s body. Rather than try to pull the head back out from the railing, he picked up the child’s body, turned it sideways and pushed him the rest of the way through.

The little boy was free.

A Children’s Story

In the story Winnie the Pooh and the Honey Tree, we see another example of someone who gets stuck. In the story, Pooh visits Rabbit and eats so much honey that when he tries to leave, he gets stuck in Rabbit’s front door. Rabbit tries to push him out, but Pooh’s rump has grown too big from all the honey he ate. Other friends try to pull on him from the outside, but they can’t get him to budge, either. All they can do is wait for Pooh’s size to change back. When that finally happens, they are able to push and pull and get him all the way through. Winnie the Pooh is free (and lands right in the honey tree, to boot).

When We Get Stuck

When we are working to address our struggles with sexual intimacy, it is common to encounter something that gets in the way of our journey.

Sometimes this happens just as we are getting started. We know what we want to accomplish, but we have no idea how to even take step 1. Or we work hard to make a lot of changes, only to realize that our husbands aren’t responding at all, or that their requests are outpacing our rate of change. Sometimes we make good progress but then recognize that the next big hurdle in front of us is frightening. Maybe we make lots of great progress and turn things around in our marriage. Several years into the journey, we recognize that we are still experiencing the same relational frustrations we did back when we were resisting sex.

Our natural human reaction to encountering an obstruction seems to be to withdraw, to pull ourselves back from the edge while we figure out what to do. Sometimes our reaction is try to revert to the feelings of familiarity and control and pull ourselves back to who we were.

Here’s the thing about progress: as we make changes and allow God to transform our hearts, we become a new creation.

I am the same person I was before I began this journey, but my heart is different. I’ve encountered many barriers and hurdles in my own journey. Many times, I’ve found myself wanting to pull out, to go back to the way things were. But I can’t. This new heart I have simply cannot do to my husband and our marriage what my old heart did.

Going back is no longer an option, and with an obstruction in front of me, I don’t see how I can go forward.

I’m stuck.

5 Things You Can Do

When you encounter obstacles in your journey, you, too, may be tempted to reverse your progress, only to realize that your changes have gone so deep that you can no longer go back.

You’re stuck—so what can you do?

1. Embrace the stuck-ness.

Being stuck is sometimes a sign of our transformation. I remember one time of frustration at getting stuck while working to address my struggles with sex. God showed me that the only reason I was stuck was because I had made so much progress. If I hadn’t made progress, slipping back into my old ways would have happened easily. I couldn’t go back because I had changed—and that was a good thing! I had been trying to change, and this was a clear sign that I truly had been.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?” Isaiah 43:18-19a

2. Rest.

When Pooh was stuck, he simply needed to wait until the obstacle at hand (his enlarged rear end) had ceased to be an obstacle. He rested while he waited for his body to return to its proper order.

When God created the world, He worked—and then He rested. It is good to work hard to address our issues with sex—but if we keep pushing ourselves without resting, we will suffer. When we are stuck, we are on pause for a time. Sometimes we simply need to have our mental and emotional resources restored in order to get unstuck.

When we are stuck, sometimes we need to be patient and wait for something to be resolved. We can take some deep breaths while we prepare ourselves for what comes next.  Being stuck gives us a time to heal and to build ourselves up. We can reflect and plan, even as we rest and recover.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens . . . Ecclesiastes 3:1

3. Push through.

The little boy who was stuck in the railing couldn’t be pulled back out—but he could be pushed through, even though it involved some maneuvering of his body.

When we are stuck, we might have to look for ways we can adjust how we are doing something or shift our position a bit—but that adjustment allows us to push our way past the obstacle.

. . . but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

4. Let others help you.

The little boy was helped by a man who passed by and offered his wise perspective. Winnie the Pooh has his friends use their strength and ability to help him. Who might be able to help you? If you need time to spend with your husband or work with a counselor, ask a friend to take care of your kids. If your week running Vacation Bible School takes time away from your marriage at a crucial time, allow other volunteers to step into your place.

Ask for help. If aid is offered, accept it. We find victory in a multitude of counselors.

Your state of immovability provides others with an opportunity to love you and care for you. It is as important for them to be able to serve and love this way as it is for you to experience the many ways that God touches your life through others. Reach out.

Plans are established by seeking advice; so if you wage war, obtain guidance. Proverbs 20:18

5. Trust in God.

Being stuck is a good reminder that we need to reach not only outward but upward.

When the little boy was stuck, he cried out to his mother, trusting that she would do for him what he could not do on his own. We should do the same with our Father in Heaven.

As I was working on my issues with sex, my biggest obstacles were the things that had me asking God for the most help. It was a good reminder that although I was doing my share of the work, it was God who was the author of my progress. Sometimes I’ve wondered if He placed obstacles in my path in order to remind me to seek Him.

The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth. Psalm 145:18

Your Story

It’s no fun facing an obstacle on the journey to work on sexual struggles. Once I have some momentum going, I want to keep going. I’m afraid it will be too hard to start back up again or that I will lose some progress.

It was rather disconcerting when I realized that when I faced obstacles, I was truly stuck. God’s transformation of my heart had made a reversal impossible.

With every obstacle I faced, the experience of being stuck led me to embrace my stuck-ness as a good sign, rest, push through, reach out to others, and trust in God. Every single one of these things made me stronger and better prepared for moving forward in my journey. Getting stuck was frustrating, but it proved to be an important part of my journey.

As you navigate your own journey to address your struggles with sex, you will probably encounter obstacles. The ways you get unstuck and move forward will become part of the story of God’s wondrous hand in your life.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28 NASB

Image credit | uschel at pixabay.com