A Change of Heart

It’s the last week in October. That means it’s time for the last installment of the Words of Wisdom blog challenge from the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association.

This last week asks us to write a post about words of wisdom and encouragement from books and blogs.

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After I came to the realization that my husband was suffering as a result of my approach to sexual intimacy, I began to work on my words and actions related to sex.

The real change, though, wasn’t in anything my husband could see.

It was in my heart—and I can tell you exactly what blog post began this change for me.

During the days following my realization of how I’d hurt my husband, I began looking online for women who seemed kind and who might be able to understand what I was going through. I found some blogs and articles written by women, but they all sounded like women who’d had sex figured out for years. I was pretty sure they wouldn’t write anything I was interested in reading. (Some of those blogs are on my regular reading list now, though.)

Then I found The Generous Wife, written by Lori Byerly. The first post I read was Hubby Care. It was very short and reminded wives to encourage their husbands to care for themselves.

Reading that post, I realized that I had never—throughout our entire marriage—thought about encouraging my husband.

It was a scales-falling-from-my-eyes moment. My world turned upside down. Although I had often thought about what it meant to have a husband, it had never occurred to me to consider what it meant for me to be my husband’s wife.

After years of feeling like my husband and I were on opposite teams, this post was a stark reminder that I was supposed to be on my husband’s team. I felt ashamed that my husband had gone so many years stuck with me as his wife.

I began reading Lori’s posts—not every day, but many days. Over time, her short and gentle (read: non-threatening) posts painted a picture for me of what it could mean to be a wife.

She would write things that challenged me, but she never made it sound like it would be hard. In fact, she made it sound joyful. Instead of resisting her suggestions, I always found myself thinking, “Hey, I could actually do that!”

The Generous Wife made me want to grow in my heart, not just in our sex life.

I frequently have husbands ask me for recommendations about which of my posts they should send to their wives to encourage them to work on sexual intimacy. I always send them a link to Lori’s blog, not mine.

Her gentle, non-threatening, joyful approach to writing about marriage is powerful enough to change a woman’s heart. I am living proof of this.

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Not quite two weeks after I began my blog, I woke up one morning to see that I was getting a lot of traffic. Lori had seen my blog and shared a link in this post.

I don’t have the words to express what it meant to me to see that the woman whose words had encouraged me  thought  I had written something that could encourage others. She has shared other posts of mine since then, and each time I feel just as wonderful as I did the first time.

Thank you, Lori, from the bottom of my heart, for helping my heart become what it is.

Other posts in the CMBA Challenge

Louder Than Words
Psalms for My Marriage
The Wisdom of Friends

Image credit | Christianpics.co

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I've moved! While you can peruse the archives here, I am no longer posting at The Forgiven Wife.

Please join me at Honeycomb & Spice.

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  Ladies, if you're interested in joining me for a study of Juli Slattery's new book God, Sex, and Your Marriage, time is running out! Our study begins with introductions on February 26, 2023, but the study will be open to join until March 5.