Go Small

I’ve often heard the expression, “Go big, or go home.”

The idea is that if you’re going to do something, do it in the most advanced way you can, on the highest level possible, with only excellence. If you can’t go big (do it on a grand and extravagant scale), go home (don’t even bother).

This is all well and good when you know what the grand thing is and that you’re capable of successfully doing it. But if you aren’t completely sure, the thought of “going big” is going to be overwhelming. Why even bother? I might as well go home, because I’m pretty sure I can’t go big.

❦❦❦

I love having a good cover of snow in the winter. There’s something about the sun reflecting off the top layer that captivates me. A good stretch of pristine snow is a pretty thing to behold—but it is a prettiness that is cold and lifeless. The moment we begin to see signs of life, the landscape changes. It is less pure, but it is so much more real and life-filled.

If you live where it snows and you have any animals around, you know how short-lived a pristine snow cover is. All it takes is one bunny hopping through the yard, and what once was a vast glistening white blanket becomes a small collection of paw prints and rabbit pit stops. But there are only a few prints, and the droppings get kind of hidden in the snow. The bunny visit hasn’t made any big change to the yard.

Later in the day and a couple squirrels and a few birds later, you’ll see more evidence of animal activity. After several days, the landscape is completely different. The blank snow-covered yard has transformed into a tapestry of the leavings of animal life. All those prints—one small bunny hop or squirrel leap at a time, and maybe a small snowman from you—have changed the yard into something different than it was before.

If I looked out on an untouched yard and thought about what it would take for me to turn it into a life-laden landscape, I would be overwhelmed by the idea.

I know what I would be thinking:

How many trips outside will it take? How many days? How cold is it going to be? What if it warms up? How am I going to get into that back corner over there behind the bush? Won’t I get snow in my boots? What if it starts snowing again and I have to start all over? And really, why do I want my yard to get all messed up, anyway? Foot prints all over the place, maybe even a snow angel. Is that really what I want? So what if it is a sign of warmth and life? Why should I care that it is a visible reminder of my ability to go outside and enjoy being in the snow? I like the pristine look of glistening snow. It’s so pretty to look at, so I’ll be okay if I don’t actually walk in the snow at all, right? Right?

If my only option to transform the yard were to go big, I’d be likely to stay inside my home. I’d be pretty sure that going big wouldn’t work for me. I wouldn’t be confident in my ability to do the work or in my willingness to stick with it.

This would be unfortunately, because I DO like snow. I like to see the snow, and I like to be in it.I like to fall backwards into it and make snow angels. I like to build snowmen.  It warms my heart to see the animals in the snow. I love the way evergreens look with snow sitting on the needles, and I love the way a leafless tree looks with its branches dark against the sky. I don’t love the cold, but I SO love coming inside to a warm blanket and hot chocolate.

If I made the effort only when I could go big, I would miss out on something that brings me great joy.

It’s a good thing I don’t believe you have to go big, or go home. I can go outside for five minutes, or for an hour. I can bundle myself up in coat, gloves, hat, scarves, and a couple layers of long underwear and prepare myself to roll around and play in the snow, or I can go outside in just my regular clothes for five minutes, standing in the snow and practically inhaling my happiness.

To turn my snowy yard into a yard that has signs of life, I don’t have to go through a big production. I can simply do small things every day, with bigger things when I can, to transform the snowy canvas into a tapestry of snowful enjoyment and life.

The Problem with Going Big

Isn’t it pretty similar to when we’ve decided it’s time to figure out how to enjoy sex? Looking at the whole thing at once—enjoying sex and fixing our sex life—is so overwhelming.

How many different things am I going to have to do? How long will it take? How uncomfortable is it going to be? How am I going to be able to do that thing he always asks for? Won’t it be weird? What if I mess up and have to start all over? And really, why do I want to work on sex anyway? I’m used to life the way it is, and that would just make life messy again. Touching all over the place, and probably some more orgasms—is that really what I want? So what if it is a sign of warmth and life in our marriage? Why should I care that it is a reminder of God’s design for marriage and what I bring to the marriage as a woman? I like life well enough. It’s predictable and under control, so I’ll be okay if I don’t learn to enjoy sex that much, right? Right?

Go big, or go home?

No, my friend. My motto is, “Go small.”

5 Reasons to Go Small

When you go small in your marriage, you are working on small things that may not even seem important. You are taking small steps without thinking about the bigness of the whole endeavor.

One small step won’t have much impact on its own—but all those small steps together can make a difference. Here are five reasons why:

• Small steps can feel safer and less risky than trying something big. There’s less to worry about messing up, and if you do mess up, it doesn’t have a big impact. Risking failure when it matters is scary. Risking failure when it’s something small like smiling at your husband when he walks into the room? Not so scary.
• Small steps seem more do-able, unlike like the big steps that you cannot fathom making. You’re less like to feel overwhelmed, so you are more likely to actually take the step instead of just thinking about it.
• Small steps give you small successes—and successes build confidence and momentum. They help you believe that bigger success is possible. They help you believe that you really are able to make changes.
• Small steps done consistently become habits, and new habits can lead to new feelings. If you begin to do small things that help sex be a priority, your heart just might begin to do the same thing.
• Small steps prepare you for big steps. You are gaining experience in doing something new. You’re training your ability to make changes and do new things. The more small steps you take, the easier it becomes to take bigger steps later on.

If you feel overwhelmed by the prospect of working on sex or learning to embrace your sexuality, I’d like to encourage you to slow down.

Don’t think of the big transformation you imagine is in front of you. Instead, look for small steps you can take that are do-able and that you can maybe even enjoy.

Just as small steps through a snowy yard imbue the yard with signs of life, small steps can have the same impact on your marriage.

Go small, my friends, go small.

Check out these other posts about taking small steps:

How Do You Eat an Elephant?
Baby Steps for Moving Forward
One Step Forward
Three Steps You Can Take to Work on Sex Right Now

Image credit | Lichtmagnet at Pixabay.com