Working on sex isn’t easy. Even when our heart is in the right place and we know what we need to do, we often struggle to be brave, vulnerable, and confident enough to take the necessary steps.
Sex is an important part of your marriage relationship—but it isn’t the only part of it. My own story shows that working on sex can affect other aspects of your relationship.
Likewise, working on those other areas can help when it comes to sex—so if you are struggling to work on sex, you might need to give some attention elsewhere, too.
Today I’d like to encourage you to be intentional about nurturing the non-sexual intimacy in your marriage, even while you work specifically on sex.
Why is non-sexual intimacy important?
- Non-sexual intimacy helps us get to know each other on a continual basis.
- It is good for you both to experience each other as people who are more than your problems and struggles. You are on the same team.
- Non-sexual intimacy is good for us individually and as a couple. It gives us a break from dealing with the tasks of marriage and family life to slow down and just be with each other. It feeds our hearts and helps us relax.
- When we feel known and accepted, it is easier to be vulnerable and take risks (and that definitely helps us work on sex!).
- Feeling closer in general can help grow our interest in sex even if the physical urge doesn’t seem to be there.
- Non-sexual intimacy helps us develop a habit of being relaxed and open, which can carry over into the bedroom.
- If sexual problems are related to relationship problems, strengthening the relationship is an important and vital step in moving forward.
- When sex is practically the only relationship interaction we have with each other, it is easy to feel like sex is the only reason we’re valued. When we have a variety of relationship interactions, sex can feel less pressuring and more integrated into our relationship.
- Anything we do together with our husbands grows our sense of oneness and connection. This helps when it comes to addressing sex.
Look for opportunities to play together, pray together, serve together, talk together, and laugh together. Take walks, Plan date nights. Spend 15 minutes on the couch together at the end of the day, not talking about finances, kids, or church. Volunteer to sort donations at the food pantry. Play a game. Cook together. Attend a workshop or seminar. Spend time at an RV show or home improvement expo. Sit at the park and watch the ducks.
Becoming more intimate and connected outside the bedroom will strengthen your marriage and will make it a bit easier to address problems inside the bedroom.
These posts from my blogger friends offer some great suggestions!
20 Two Player Games to Play with Your Husband, To Love, Honor, & Vacuum
25 Ways to Have Fun with Your Husband, Calm.Healthy.Sexy.
Date Night Questions, The Romantic Vineyard
Friendship 101, Bonny’s OysterBed7
How to Have a Conversation, Uncovering Intimacy
Laughter in Marriage, My Beloved Is Mine
Making Date Night Memories, Encourage Your Spouse
Shared Moments, The Generous Wife
When You Both Need to be Pampered – 11 Self-Care Dates, Encourage Your Spouse
A Year of Questions for You & Your Spouse, available at The Generous Wife
These books also include a great deal about non-sexual intimacy.
The Path of Intimacy, by Scott Means (read my review or purchase with my affiliate link)
Cherishing Us, by Tom and Debi Walter (read my review or purchase with my affiliate link)
What are your favorite ways to strengthen the non-sexual intimacy in your marriage?
Image credit | Christianpics.co
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This is something that I’ve started pursuing with my bride, inspired mostly by empty-nest-hood that’s just over the horizon, and looking for something for us to do together that’s screen-free. She has a deep love of jigsaw puzzles. I’m less fanatical, but I invested in one, and it was a great time we’ve had around the table assembling, talking, or just quietly being. A happy by-product is we discovered that a couple of our kids like puzzles too; they shed their screens and joined us around the table, building more spontaneous memories for us as a unit before they cleave and venture out on their own.
That is a nice thing to do together. It is good time for conversation, and you can step away from it at any time.
It has been nice—it’s quickly become something that we look forward to doing.
This is a very helpful reminder, Chris. And thanks for including my article.
You’re welcome, Gaye. Your article has great suggestions!