In my previous post, I wrote,
“Your sexuality is your superpower. Sharing your sexuality with your husband has the power to transform him into the husband your heart has craved.”
Now, if you jumped your husband and woke up the next morning expecting to find a new transformed version of him, you were probably disappointed.
Transformation does not happen overnight, and your sexuality is not a magic wand that you can wave over your husband and guarantee a transformation. Hearing the voices of men who have felt the transformative power of their wives’ sexuality, though, I am compelled to believe that our sexuality truly makes a bigger difference than many wives realize.
Of course, being more sexual only for the purpose of effecting change in our husbands is pretty selfish. I’ve been open about the fact that I began to make my own changes for selfish reasons. It wasn’t until I moved past the solely selfish motives that I began to see a difference.
A reader made this comment:
I would love to hear stories from women who have seen their “superpower” change their husband in observable ways, beside the big smile on his face 😉 In what ways were they able to see that their husband had been transformed?
What a great idea!
Big Guy, Transformed
I certainly noticed changes in my husband.
- Big Guy became less tense and depressed. He started to return to being the man I fell in love with all those years go.
- Family and friends commented that he seemed happier and was easier to talk to.
- I began to make my changes halfway into a time of extended unemployment for my husband. His manhood and confidence had taken a huge hit from that. As he started to be able to see our sexual relationship as a source of comfort rather than conflict, it became easier for him to keep himself going with job searching and working through his professional issues.
- As he began to know that he could truly trust me, he began to express himself emotionally in ways that really mattered to me.
- He began to see himself as my knight. He’s always been one of those guys who wanted to open doors for me. About a year ago, he told me that it had become even more important to him to be able to do that as a demonstration that he is the man who will take care of me.
- I have some social anxiety, and it frequently raises its head when I walk into a crowded room or an unfamiliar place. In the past, if I would ask my husband to plow the way for me (go in first and find a place for me to get acclimated), he would either not do it or he would make a rude remark or sigh. Now he squeezes my hand in encouragement and forges ahead on my behalf.
- He became more giving in bed. As I welcomed his sexuality, he nurtured mine.
A Changing Vision
Our superpower works behind the scenes, too. Not only did my sexual sharing transform my husband in ways that our children, friends, and I all observed, it also changed the eyes with which I see him.
Before, I was seeing my husband through the lenses of hurt, emotional disconnection, and sadness. My stubborn and hurting heart saw things that reinforced the feelings I already had.
As my feelings changed, so did my eyes. As I began to share my sexuality with my husband, I began to feel more love. I began to trust. I wanted to communicate better, so I made more effort to do so. As I invested in our marriage in a real way, my vision started to change. Rather than seeing negative things that reinforced my feelings, I began to see positive things as evidence of my new feelings.
Transformed into One
Fully sharing our sexuality is a powerful, powerful thing. It is transformative. It changed my husband. It changed me. It changed our marriage.
When a husband and wife come together, sharing the fullness of their sexuality with each other, the two are transformed into one. To me, that is the epitome of God’s design for marriage.
Ladies, if you’ve been learning to share your sexuality with your husbands, I’d love to have you share some of the transformations you’ve seen—in your husband and in yourself.
Image credit | AdinaVoicu
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The changes I’ve seen in my husband are….
*he’s more confident in public and in the bedroom.
*he’s a lot less stressed and irritable.
*he has a great desire to make me feel as loved as he feels.
*he is always complimenting me.
*he thinks about me all the time… so much so, it’s hard for him to get his work done.
*he truly does desire me, no matter what my “thoughts” are on my body.
*he feels respected.
*he feels desired.
*he has stepped into the role God called him to be as a leader.
*he has lost all temptation to look at porn.
*he is more protective of me.
In our marriage I’ve noticed…
*our fighting and arguing has dropped drastically.
*we laugh a lot more!
*we are much more affectionate all day long.
*our children love seeing mom and dad love on each other.
*there’s a spiritual wall of protection around us.
After 20 years of being together, and watching movies, reading books, listening to songs, and coming up with my “ideal” man and being sure that HE was not him… I now realize I have my hero, the man I’ve always dreamed of all these years.
The biggest change I noticed was that his relationship with God changed.
This is the best change of all.
The changes I’ve seen:
*He’s consistently happier
*He’s more confident about everything because he is sure that I believe in him and have his back
*He’s learning to be imaginative knowing I’ll go w/whatever he comes up with
*He’s quicker about coming home
*He calls me when he’s not home because he misses me
*He’s becoming very thoughtful with his words and deeds
*He often stops what he’s doing to tell me how much he loves me and is thankful that I am his wife.
*He frequently voices that he IS the king (and he can’t believe this is his life) because he feels overwhelmingly respected and desired.
*He’s communicating better. Both listening and talking.
*He touches me whenever I am near him.
*He’s more relaxed about the pressures involved in all of the responsibilities he has-church leadership, parenting, small business owner, etc.
*Several times a week he comments how happy he is, how he loves his life and how glad he is that I hung on so that we could reach *phase 2* together
*He encourages & compliments me frequently
*He expresses a strong desire to be anything and everything I desire.
*He’s now comfortable treating me like a well-loved treasure (his words) both in private & in public.
Been married 32+ years. Been using my superpower for the last 1.5.
“Been married 32+ years. Been using my superpower for the last 1.5”
Your comment made me smile!
I agree. I wish I’d thought of using that line in my post.
A lot of what you said happened for us as well. We are both so much happier (although I am also medicated now lol) and the resentment is GONE. I have had a lot of struggles with that and anger and depression, they have all passed away into feelings I can’t even describe other then whatever is the complete opposite. I truly believe that our marriage is pretty much what God has intended for us.
Being on the right medication can make our way clear enough that we can actually do the work that is needed in life. I’ve had similar struggles with anger and depression, and the absence of those negative feelings creates more space for joy. Thanks for your comment!
If you don’t mind a male perspective…
► I found it much easier to think of doing things for her – loving things, helpful things, whatever. I always wanted to, but it became far more natural.
► I felt more loved and understood – which no doubt make me more loving and understanding of her.
► The number or half-naked women I saw decreased significantly. Or to be more accurate, it became far easier to ignore them.
► I felt calmer and more relaxed.
► I slept better.
► I (eventually) stopped being uptight about sex – which was awesome for both of us.
All good changes. I’m glad you mentioned being able to ignore half-naked women. The more I draw my husband’s eyes to me, the less they see in other directions. I think many women underestimate the visual pull men experience as they go about their daily lives.
For what it’s worth I (a man) totally agree with this. The answer to porn issues is know how loved you are by God and be in a generous loving relationship with your wife). And how wonderful, Chris, to hear of long marriages which have recently changed as a gatekeeper starts using their superpower. God bless you.