In my previous post, I wrote,
“Your sexuality is your superpower. Sharing your sexuality with your husband has the power to transform him into the husband your heart has craved.”
Now, if you jumped your husband and woke up the next morning expecting to find a new transformed version of him, you were probably disappointed.
Transformation does not happen overnight, and your sexuality is not a magic wand that you can wave over your husband and guarantee a transformation. Hearing the voices of men who have felt the transformative power of their wives’ sexuality, though, I am compelled to believe that our sexuality truly makes a bigger difference than many wives realize.
Of course, being more sexual only for the purpose of effecting change in our husbands is pretty selfish. I’ve been open about the fact that I began to make my own changes for selfish reasons. It wasn’t until I moved past the solely selfish motives that I began to see a difference.
A reader made this comment:
I would love to hear stories from women who have seen their “superpower” change their husband in observable ways, beside the big smile on his face 😉 In what ways were they able to see that their husband had been transformed?
What a great idea!
Big Guy, Transformed
I certainly noticed changes in my husband.
- Big Guy became less tense and depressed. He started to return to being the man I fell in love with all those years go.
- Family and friends commented that he seemed happier and was easier to talk to.
- I began to make my changes halfway into a time of extended unemployment for my husband. His manhood and confidence had taken a huge hit from that. As he started to be able to see our sexual relationship as a source of comfort rather than conflict, it became easier for him to keep himself going with job searching and working through his professional issues.
- As he began to know that he could truly trust me, he began to express himself emotionally in ways that really mattered to me.
- He began to see himself as my knight. He’s always been one of those guys who wanted to open doors for me. About a year ago, he told me that it had become even more important to him to be able to do that as a demonstration that he is the man who will take care of me.
- I have some social anxiety, and it frequently raises its head when I walk into a crowded room or an unfamiliar place. In the past, if I would ask my husband to plow the way for me (go in first and find a place for me to get acclimated), he would either not do it or he would make a rude remark or sigh. Now he squeezes my hand in encouragement and forges ahead on my behalf.
- He became more giving in bed. As I welcomed his sexuality, he nurtured mine.
A Changing Vision
Our superpower works behind the scenes, too. Not only did my sexual sharing transform my husband in ways that our children, friends, and I all observed, it also changed the eyes with which I see him.
Before, I was seeing my husband through the lenses of hurt, emotional disconnection, and sadness. My stubborn and hurting heart saw things that reinforced the feelings I already had.
As my feelings changed, so did my eyes. As I began to share my sexuality with my husband, I began to feel more love. I began to trust. I wanted to communicate better, so I made more effort to do so. As I invested in our marriage in a real way, my vision started to change. Rather than seeing negative things that reinforced my feelings, I began to see positive things as evidence of my new feelings.
Transformed into One
Fully sharing our sexuality is a powerful, powerful thing. It is transformative. It changed my husband. It changed me. It changed our marriage.
When a husband and wife come together, sharing the fullness of their sexuality with each other, the two are transformed into one. To me, that is the epitome of God’s design for marriage.
Ladies, if you’ve been learning to share your sexuality with your husbands, I’d love to have you share some of the transformations you’ve seen—in your husband and in yourself.
Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net