We shouldn't dwell on the past, but we can learn from it to help us move forward.

I have spent much of my life thinking about the past, which isn’t always a good thing.

I’ve dragged heavy baggage around with me. I defined myself by my actions and experiences in the distant past. I judged my husband based on long-ago memories. Read More →

What becomes possible when you work on sex?

When wives begin the journey to change their approach to sex, they often see a tall mountain, seemingly unscalable.

The journey itself looks intimidating. How do you start? What does it actually mean to “work on sex”? How do you go about changing from “the way things have been” into . . . what, exactly? Is there a chance that any of this will ever make a difference?

I’d like to give you a small glimpse into what might be waiting for you when you travel this journey. Read More →

Knowing your story may be the first step in changing it.

I hear from many women about how they came to decide to work on sexual intimacy in their marriages. Not a single one has ever said that she woke up one morning and just decided to do it out of the blue. Nor has anyone told me that it was easy.

If you are a wife who has made the decision to change, you may be asking yourself, Now what? This post is for you. Actually, so are the next two posts. I had so much to say that I decided it would be easier for you to read one bit at a time.

Today I would like to encourage you to think about what brought you to your decision to change.  Read More →

Growing pains hurt—and then they heal

The moment it hit me how much I’d hurt my husband by my years of resisting sex in our marriage, I made a commitment to really change. I stuck with it, and it worked.

This time, it worked. You see, it wasn’t the first time I’d tried to work on sex.

Every time before, I gave up practically as soon as I started. It was so much harder than I thought it would be. Read More →

How can you find your way home in your marriage?

Last night I drove to Fond du Lac to drop my daughter off to spend the rest of her spring break with a friend.

It was still a little light out when I got on the road to head home. I’d traveled this way many times before (including on the way there with my daughter), so I didn’t bother to look at a map or even think about my trip home.

I ended up taking the scenic route—and not on purpose. Read More →

What lessons are you learning as you work on sexual intimacy in your marriage?

September 5, 2010, was a significant day in our marriage. It was the day my eyes were opened to the hurt my husband was experiencing as a result of my resistance to sex.

This past weekend marked five years that I’ve been on this journey. Read More →

Be encouraged. A strong marriage is worth every moment, every effort, and every prayer you give.

It’s been nearly five years since I began the journey to work on sexual intimacy in my marriage.

This journey has been a lot of hard work—and has resulted in far more blessings than I could have imagined. Read More →

Something that began as a selfish effort to change my husband had become a journey that had changed me.

Have you ever been on a trip that seems to take forever? Your journey is so exhausting that when you finally arrive at your destination, all you can do is crash for a while before you can appreciate the fact that your journey is over. Read More →

Listen to me on podcasts at Delight Your Marriage!

Belah Rose at Delight Your Marriage has a podcast series of interviews with marriage writers about their marriages, seasons of struggle, and journeys of transformation.

I am delighted to be featured on her podcasts this week.

Belah did such a wonderful job helping me feel relaxed and comfortable that I didn’t want to stop talking—so my interview is in two separate podcasts.

You can find Part 1 here and Part 2 here. If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to hear my voice rather than read it, this is your chance.

Thank you, Belah, for the opportunity to let my voice be heard in a different way.

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We walk different paths on the way to and from sexual gate-keeping and refusing. While I’ve shared much of my own story here, my story is only one way this journey might look.

Today is the first of three posts from Janna Allen (a pseudonym) in which she opens her life to us to share how the journey has looked in her life. I am thrilled to be able to share Janna’s story with you.
Read More →

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