What About His Grooming and Hygiene?

For some women, a husband’s poor grooming and hygiene habits make it difficult for her to fully enjoy sex.

I’m not talking about his appearance or your preferences here. I’m talking about things that can get in the way of our sexual enjoyment because they are distracting or uncomfortable for us:

• Facial hair that is unevenly trimmed.
• Fingernails or toenails that have sharp edges.
• General body odor
• Unwashed genitals/rear end
• Unbrushed teeth.

You may be puzzled as to why your husband doesn’t tend to these pretty basic things that make it easier for you to relax into a sexual encounter with him.

At the same time, guys generally have less sensitive skin than women, and they don’t have as strong a sense of smell as women generally do. Your husband may not realize that his grooming and hygiene affect your enjoyment of sex.

Talk to him about it.

The only way your husband will understand how his grooming and hygiene affect your sexual enjoyment is if you tell him. Saying “ow” when he touches you with untrimmed nails or shortening the length of time you give him oral sex don’t give him the kind of information he can actually work with. You need to be direct rather than hint, and you may need to have multiple conversations about this.

Be thoughtful about your timing. Talking about it while you’re in bed and being sexually vulnerable with each other is probably a bad idea. Instead, bring up the subject while you’re doing something side by side, such as taking a walk or watching television together.

Be kind and respectful. “Dude, you stink” may work when he’s had a day that involves more physical exertion than usual. It probably isn’t the best approach if your husband has an unpleasant body odor most of the time.

Here are some ideas for what to actually say to him. Notice that each suggestion includes something positive as well as your request that he do something different.

• “I really love the smell of your body wash on your clean body. When I smell anything else while we’re having sex, I get distracted and lose my focus.”
• “I like the way your hands feel on me. Sometimes your fingernails hurt me when you’re touching me between my legs, and I realized the other night that my body tensed up before you started to stimulate me. I would love it if you would keep your nails a bit smoother for me.”
• “Intense kissing really turns me on, and I want to fully enjoy the taste of your lips. Would you be willing to brush your teeth before we have sex, even if it’s the middle of the day when you don’t usually brush?”
• “You’ve pointed out that I’m not giving you oral sex as much as you would like, and you’re right. I want to be able to do it more, but I have a really strong sense of smell and it is hard for me to want my nose in that area. Do you think you could do some extra cleaning before you come to bed to help me enjoy doing that more?”

Make grooming and hygiene part of your sexy time.

Sometimes it is easier to just do something about the problem rather than talk much about it. Incorporating the trimming and cleaning into your foreplay can feel intimate—and you can be sure everything is trimmed and cleaned just the way you like.

• Take a sexy shower together. Volunteer to wash all his sexy bits for him—and be sure to make it fun for him.
• Treat him like a king and be his personal valet. Clip his nails for him. Trim his beard. Give him a sponge bath. And do it all naked.
• Play nurse and wounded soldier and tend to his body.

Get him to a doctor.

If you think your husband’s health is a factor in his grooming and hygiene, it’s important to get him to see his doctor.

Some poor grooming and hygiene habits may be related to physical or mental health. Your husband may not be able to trim his toenails because it hurts him to bend his knees. Perhaps he has a hard time reaching a body part that needs to be cleaned, a cavity that needs dental care, or depression that interferes with his energy and motivation to take care of himself.

Not only do these things affects his grooming and hygiene, they can also affect other aspects of his life.

For most guys, basic grooming and hygiene should be fairly easy to address. If you have a good-willed husband who wants you to enjoy having sex with him, it may not be too hard to motivate him to change.

See What About Him? and What About His Selfishness?

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