Sometimes we hit a season when our bodies just don’t want to cooperate in the bedroom. Hormones, breastfeeding, stress, menopause, and more can interfere with our sexual desire and response.
Our hearts may want to have sex, but our bodies just don’t want to go along for the ride, so to speak. We need help getting in the mood.
Sometimes we can nurture our sexual interest throughout the day in a way that makes us more responsive later in the evening.
I’d like to share three things that can help.
1. Engage all your senses.
Help your body be more sensuous by giving it sensory stimuli. Lighting scented candles, cooking something that smells good, listening to music, and even looking at something beautiful are all things that can help make our senses more alert. (All these things can boost your mood, too, if that has been an issue for you.)
Take a shower. Wash yourself slowly, feeling your skin all over. Use your favorite body wash. When you eat, make a point of savoring the flavors and feelings of your food. If you have pictures of you and your husband, spend a few minutes looking at them and remembering your time together. Wear a silky scarf in beautiful colors.
In a recent podcast episode, Gaye mentioned that the sense of smell is strongly tied to our emotions, memories, and drives. It makes sense to use scents to help you get in the mood. Wearing a perfume or lotion that you usually use only in preparation for a sexy date night is one way of bumping up your desire.
2. Feel feminine.
You may not be able to spend a whole day feeling sexy in preparation for some night-time loving. After all, plunging the toilet in heels or wearing a low-cut top to work aren’t exactly good ideas. You can still do things to help you feel feminine, though. Put on your prettiest underthings. Wear earrings that you love. Paint your toenails. Put makeup on. Wear a skirt rather than slacks.
Even if you are around other people during the day, doing things that help you feel feminine can help you be more aware of your sexuality.
3. Think sexually.
Make a point of thinking about having sex with your husband. Remember good lovemaking sessions from the past. Imagine what it will be like to have him touch you in a certain way or kiss or lick just the right spot. As often as you can throughout the day, spend a few minutes thinking about having sex with your husband.
Let the Bible inspire your thoughts. (Yes, really.) Look in the Song of Songs for a passage heavy with sexual imagery. (Song of Songs 6:2-3 is a good one.) Write it out and place it where you will see it throughout the day. If possible, say it out a few times—and really picture how that passage might look in action with you and your husband. The thought of your husband in your garden or browsing among your lilies might give you a secret smile as well as enhance your desire.
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These are pretty simple things, really. Engaging your senses, feelings feminine, and thinking sexually might not make you want to jump on your husband when he walks through the door at the end of the day, but they just might help your body respond more easily once things get going.
Resources to help with desire and response
Check out these resources for more ideas.
- What Is Sexual Interest? Why Should I Care? (Bonny’s OysterBed7)
- How to Have Sex When You Don’t Really Feel Like It
- How Not to Think About Sex
- Love Like a Woman: Should Your Sexual Response Be Like Your Husband’s?
- 6 Ways to Nurture Your Sexual Desire
- Getting in the Mood (Sex Chat for Christian Wives)
- Getting in the Mood 2 (Sex Chat for Christian Wives)
- Sheila Wray Gregoire’s Boost Your Libido course
- Unlock your Libido, by Bonny Burns (affiliate link)
Image credit | Candiix at pixabay.com
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Ladies, if you're interested in joining me for a study of Juli Slattery's new book God, Sex, and Your Marriage, time is running out! Our study begins with introductions on February 26, 2023, but the study will be open to join until March 5.
