My beloved is radiant and ruddy . . . Song of Solomon 5:10
From childhood, boys are fascinated by their penises. Even before they are aware of their sexuality, touching the penis feels good. The penis is interesting. It can do stuff, and sometimes it seems to have a mind of its own.
Your husband’s penis is the most male part of his body. He loves it, and he wants you to love it, too.
Many of us who’ve resisted sex have avoided the penis. I didn’t want to touch my husband’s penis for fear that he might develop expectations that I would do it all the time. Like many men, my husband felt my unwillingness to touch or even look at his penis as a rejection of him as a man and as a person.
My efforts to work on sex included getting comfortable with his penis. I rightly suspected that accepting his penis would go a long way in helping him start to believe that I loved him and was trying to make some changes.
So, friends, I’d like to encourage you to spend some time exploring your husband’s penis this weekend.
Get Ready
Be prepared. If you haven’t spent much time getting to know his genitals, you might find it helpful to look at The Male Genitals page on The Marriage Bed site. The site has sketches and descriptions to help you better understand how your husband is put together.
Talk with your husband ahead of time. Tell him that you’d like to spend some time getting to know his penis better.
Ask if he will agree to some ground rules for your exploration that will help you be more comfortable and focus on him. For instance, if you would prefer that he not touch you sexually while you’re exploring, say so. If oral sex has been a bone of contention in your marriage, ask him to agree not to ask for it during this session. Remind him that the ground rules are just for this session to help you become comfortable touching his penis.
Promise him that the two of you will have sex when you are done exploring. (Be sure to follow through with his promise, too!)
Find a time when you can be interrupted and when you have good light.
Get your husband ready. Ask him to take a good shower, and then help him get comfortable on the bed or couch. Prop him up with pillows, with his legs apart so you can access everything. If you’re comfortable with him watching your exploration, place a mirror in a spot where he can see more easily.
Get yourself comfortable, too. Sit or lie down between his legs or at his side. You want to be where you can see close-up and use your hands to explore.
Explore!
It’s time to find out what your man is made of.
Truly explore. Examine all his parts and how they are put together. Stroke up and down. Lift. Note the different parts of the penis—the shaft, the head, the opening, the underside, etc. Explore his scrotum in the same way. And what about his pubic region? How far away from his genitals can you be and still arouse him?
Use different kinds of touches. Start with a light touch, using your fingers to lightly trace his genitals. Move on to a firmer touch. Stroke a little. Grasp a little. Breathe on his genitals. Maybe even kiss and lick a little.
The point of this is for you to learn, so pay close attention to what you see and feel.
How do the parts all feel? How do they respond to your touch? How does your husband respond? How does the skin feel? What skin is soft? What isn’t?
Your husband will probably get very aroused—especially if this is not something you’ve done before. As he becomes aroused, pay attention to how his body changes. Temperature, coloration, and swelling can change during the process. What parts get hard during his erection? What parts don’t get hard? Note, too, any pre-ejaculate that forms at the tip of his penis. Does his penis point straight up? Down? Curve?
Finish with a bang! (In other words, have sex.) When you’ve finished your exploration (or when your husband seems ready to explode), don’t offer sex. Just start. It may be a matter of just climbing on or asking him what position he’d like. 🙂 If you need to, use some artificial lubrication—although you may find that you got aroused as you paid such close to your husband’s penis.
You can do it!
If you are early in your journey to address sexual intimacy, the thought of exploring your husband’s penis may sound pretty overwhelming. Take a deep breath. You can do this.
It will mean a lot to your husband that you want to learn more about his favorite body part. If he’s been feeling sexually rejected, every demonstration of your acceptance of him helps to soothe and heal.
If you’re going to work on sex, you’re going to have to make peace with his penis at some point.
Why not start this weekend?
Image courtesy of Becris at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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How about the woman allowing her partner the same option? Let him/her explore the various parts of her genitalia. Let him/her feel, taste, smell, see, and hear the reactions of, and to, his/her partner explorations.
I think it’s very important that BOTH parties in a relationship have a good understanding their own AND of their partner’s body, theirs AND the other partner’s sexual likes and dislikes. Without this common knowledge, there can’t be much intimate communication between the two. And, without communication, the relationship is DOA (dead on arrival).
(I edited this for length. CT)
I plan to write about this very thing sometime!
this article was great. i never thought of doing this. after a few years of marriage i still have never explored my husband like that (or at all =/) and don’t really know the specifics of what parts particularly feel good to him. I’ll have to do this someday.
How about today? 🙂
May I suggest that the wife use a little bit of lubrication? Certain parts are too sensitive to be stroked dry. If she gets a bad response she may be spooked. Should she like to get two for the price of one, she could try to learn what parts of his genitalia are the most sensitive. Although, this may too much for some to take on in one session. However, it really ought to be done sooner rather than later. Ladies, it would be a rare man that would not like for you to do this. Chris, you are correct in saying that this part of a man is central to him. A woman cannot truly love her husband without loving his penis, and he takes penis-rejection as rejection of himself.
Sometimes lubrication can make it difficult for her to feel variations in his skin, but his comfort is really important!
I think it would be more fair to say that a man cannot feel truly loved if she doesn’t love his penis. A woman can love her husband without loving his penis, but it certainly won’t feel that way to him.
You said it better. But, what benefit is there in being loved if you don’t feel it? One of the biggest problems in marriage is that we tend to love our mate the way that we want to be loved. Without the proper knowledge and the application of it, we expend effort and leave our mate feeling unloved. Keep up the good work.
I understand what you are saying. However, I am thinking about women who have struggled with sexual intimacy for a long time. For a woman who is brand new in her journey to restore sex, every single thing in the bedroom is a tangible act of love. She is working hard to make changes because she loves him, and even if she isn’t yet able to consider penis exploration, it is unfair to say she isn’t loving him. She is loving him with everything she has, and hearing someone dismiss that doesn’t help her one bit.
Apologies for such a late response, Im a husband to a very loving wife and I would like to just verify everything in this post. The more my wife spends time getting to learn my penis the more loved I feel and more satisfied I become. I enjoy every time she pays attention to my genitals. The different skin textures, the testicle, the head, the foreskin, or the scar left where the foreskin was removed. The more she explores the more in love I become.