Belah Rose at Delight Your Marriage has a podcast series of interviews with marriage writers about their marriages, seasons of struggle, and journeys of transformation.
I am delighted to be featured on her podcasts this week.
Belah did such a wonderful job helping me feel relaxed and comfortable that I didn’t want to stop talking—so my interview is in two separate podcasts.
You can find Part 1 here and Part 2 here. If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to hear my voice rather than read it, this is your chance.
Thank you, Belah, for the opportunity to let my voice be heard in a different way.
I've moved! While you can peruse the archives here, I am no longer posting at The Forgiven Wife.
Please join me at Honeycomb & Spice.
Ladies, if you're interested in joining me for a study of Juli Slattery's new book God, Sex, and Your Marriage, time is running out! Our study begins with introductions on February 26, 2023, but the study will be open to join until March 5.
Chris, I listened to both podcasts yesterday. I know your story from visiting here often, but it was intriguing and inspiring to hear your voice. I feel I know you a bit better now. Thank you for sharing so openly and for all you have said and done to help me and others.
Hearing a voice makes people seem more real somehow. I’m impressed that you listened to both podcasts. Belah made me so comfortable that I didn’t want to stop talking, so that was a lot of podcast to listen to. 🙂
I too listened to both podcasts today. You did a fantabulous job Chris, and I really enjoyed hearing your story again!
I am grateful you reiterated the fact that for each blog post, your prayer is that it will touch one person, one marriage. That gives us a concrete way to help you pray for your work here. I appreciate the opportunity to pray with you because it REALLY DOES MATTER that marriages improve.
I would love to have my readers pray with me for each post to reach the one woman God has placed in my heart and mind as I’ve written.
Thanks for listening to me. 🙂
Hi, Chris! I just listened to the podcasts today and was very inspired. I know some of your story from reading the blog but it was nice to listen to you telling it. You interview really well!
I liked what you said about how the thing that put up a wall between you and God was the very thing God used to bring you back to Him… And how you had realized that just the week before! It goes to show we can always learn more about ourselves and how God works in our lives.
Thank you for your humility and openness in sharing your story. I hope it touches many other women just as it has touched me.
Thank you for your lovely comment, Aixa. The realization that the wedge had become the bridge shouldn’t have stunned me, but it did. I am very much a work in progress. 🙂
In one of the podcasts, I believe you mentioned how difficult it was for you to give up control and be fully vulnerable during sex. Have you any pointers or was there any kind of process to this? I would appreciate your thoughts.
For the most part, I think this was a by-product of the other work I was doing on myself. As the relationship became less tense, I became more relaxed and felt more emotionally safe. As I felt more relaxed and safer, I stopped automatically resisting him all the time. As I stopped resisting, I was able to enjoy sex more. And so on and so on.
However, I did also practice being vulnerable. I thought about what it would be like to be totally uninhibited and vulnerable. How would that look? What would a vulnerable woman actually do? What would she not do? I sometimes made myself pretend to be that way simply to try it out for a few minutes. It felt completely fake (because it was), but it was a way of trying out the behavior. Over time, it got easier and more natural. Just like I did with everything else in the bedroom, I used fake-it-to-make-it approach. I acted in the way that I wanted to be, and those new behaviors helped my heart change over time.
Thank you. This is helpful. Feeling safe is crucial for me and I am beginning to realize that feeling safe is NOT dependent on my husband’s actions but a choice I can make regardless of his actions.
This has been evident for me only after sharing with him my true feelings about the powerlessness I have over alcohol. It was hard for me to admit, and for him to hear, that no amount of money I earn, no amount of weight I lose, no amount of sex we have, will motivate him to seek help.
Even harder was the admission that I have no desire to be naked, vulnerable, and intimate with someone who destroys his brain cells, damages his liver, and drives under the influence on a regular basis. I have never wanted that but did not feel justified in feeling that way or saying it out loud. Once I did, a heavy burden was lifted.
Now instead of feeling like a failure for not being vulnerable with my husband, I understand I can choose vulnerability. Or not. Thanks again for the insight.
It was very brave of you to be vulnerable enough to be honest with your feelings. You’ve removed the burden and effort of suppressing those feelings all the time. Keeping secrets forces us to keep those walls up. Continue to pray for your husband. It is always possible that there will come a time when the words you’ve spoken will come back to him at just the right time. Be sure you are getting support for yourself (AlAnon, etc.) in the meantime.