For so long, I figured I would work on my issues with sex someday—when the kids were grown, when I had less stress at work, when we weren’t arguing so much, or when our lives weren’t so busy.
Year after year, though someday didn’t come.
And then, suddenly and unexpectedly, it did.
After years of watching me wait for a time when life was easy to deal with sex, God jumpstarted my healing efforts in the midst of the most stressful season of our marriage. My husband had been out of work for a year and a half, and the stress of dealing with our financial situation was constant.
It was the absolute last time I would have chosen to start working on anything in our marriage—yet it was a time God used to turn my heart toward my husband.
It was during the most stressful season of life that our marriage began to thrive. If you are experiencing financial difficulties, I know how overwhelming it can be to think about tending to your marriage.
This post originally appeared at Fulfilling Your Vows as part of the Fall 2015 31 Days to a Better Marriage series. You can read the original post here.
No matter how careful you are with your money, sometimes life throws finances into a tail spin. Medical or legal expenses, unemployment or underemployment, and household or vehicle repairs can devastate a budget.
In 2009, my husband and I began a five-year season of unemployment, temp jobs, and finances that spiraled out of control. With bleak job prospects for my husband, no hope for promotion at my job, and three teens, we experienced a great deal of stress.
Despite the difficulty of this season, though, it was a time of tremendous growth and joy in our marriage.
A couple in financial crisis may face quite a few unknowns. Despite the instructions in Matthew 10:31 to not fear because we are worth more than many sparrows, many couples find that financial difficulty brings a time of great fear, uncertainty, anxiety, and strain to their marriages.
What can you do to help your marriage thrive in the face of financial difficulty?
Nurture your husband.
Many men feel a deep need to provide for their families; a financial crisis can be unsettling. This is a time to build your husband up.
- Respect goes a long way. (See this post from a previous 31 Days to a Better Marriage series.) Although I’d always handled our finances in the past, during my husband’s extended unemployment, I sought his input even more than before. I thanked him for his insight and pointed out ways that his suggestions were good for our family.
- Acknowledge his efforts. I expressed my appreciation for my sweetie’s willingness to make sacrifices for the good of the family, whether it was big sacrifice (such as selling a collection) or a small one (forgoing a favorite brand of ketchup). When he applied for jobs or had an interview, I celebrated the effort even if we didn’t get the desired outcome.
- Look for ways for him to spend time with other men. My husband needed to maintain his friendships. He benefitted from the company of other men, and it was good for him to have a break from concern about finances. We invited our best friends over for inexpensive meals as often as possible. When my husband had a tough week with a lot of job rejections, I sometimes asked his best friend to take him out for coffee.
Nurture yourself.
It’s important for us to take care of ourselves, too. I worked hard to support my husband through our crisis, but the fact is that I needed support, too.
- My own friendships helped me maintain some sanity. I couldn’t do things that cost money, but meeting for a walk in the park or a shared picnic lunch helped a great deal. I had good friends who I could talk to about my fears if I needed to but who could always redirect the conversation when I needed a distraction, too.
- Replenish yourself. If walks in nature help you calm down, then head to a nearby park and wander around. If you appreciate the comfort of soaking in a bubble bath, then make a point to do this at least once a week.
- Express yourself. I needed to be able to talk through my fears and anxieties. It was hard, though, because I didn’t want to add to my husband’s stress. I shared with a couple friends. I wrote in a journal. I cried out to God in prayer. I did sometimes talk with my husband, too. It was important that I be able to rely on him for emotional support. I was careful to do this at times when we weren’t trying to make a decision or when he wasn’t expressing his own concerns.
Nurture your relationship.
Be intentional about maintaining your relationship with your husband.
- Make sure you have times when you aren’t talking about finances or decisions. Reminisce about wonderful memories. Do crossword puzzles or play board games together.
- Without money, it can be difficult to have date nights—especially if you have young kids and can’t leave the house without hiring a sitter. It’s time to be creative. Have a picnic. Go out for ice cream cones instead of a full meal. After the kids are asleep, pop some popcorn and watch a movie you already own.
- Tend to sexual intimacy. Even if neither one of you is in the mood, sexual intimacy helps to maintain the connection and unity in your marriage.
Nurture your spiritual life.
One of the best ways to weather a stormy season is to keep your eyes on the horizon of eternity rather than on what is immediately in front of you.
- Seek comfort in the bible. In addition to verses that remind us of the role of money in our lives and God’s care for us, the Psalms quite help us remember that our difficult feelings are part of being human and that God is always there for us.
- Pray and attend church together. Holding my husband’s hand during our worship service’s prayer time helped me remember that he and I were in our problems together and that God was with us.
- Let your church family be a source of help. Put your family on a prayer list. Ask for referrals to Christian social service agencies or assistance if money is extremely tight. If others offer help, allow yourself to accept it as one of the ways God reaches out to care for you. Recognize the blessing of letting other minister to you.
Fortunately, it is possible to weather financial storms and come through with a marriage that is stronger than before.
Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:31-33
Image credit | Acharaporn Kamornboonyarush at pexels.com
I've moved! While you can peruse the archives here, I am no longer posting at The Forgiven Wife.
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Ladies, if you're interested in joining me for a study of Juli Slattery's new book God, Sex, and Your Marriage, time is running out! Our study begins with introductions on February 26, 2023, but the study will be open to join until March 5.
Our marriage has been difficult since two year. My husband had a burnout and wasn, t sure he wanted to stay with me any longer. We had some counseling and therapy, but still its in heavy conditions. Now he, s about to lose his job because the stress is to much for him. I, m afraid about the future…will we stand? My husband experienced sexual abuse when he was a kid for a four years. Thats making things only more complex. We do need all the help we can get!
Learning from your experiences. Each and every post seems to be exactly what I need to challenge myself with. I’m just beginning our journey and would welcome a kickoff with a 31 day Challenge…
We went through a job loss 6 years ago and it added insult to injury for us financially. While the season was very stressful for us we made sure to put everything aside and do nothing but focus on us as a couple even if it was sit and have a cup of coffee or watch a movie or tv show that we liked. During that time we made sure to not talk about our financial issues, etc.