The Unbroken Woman blog is hosting The Respect Dare. Starting July 10, participants will be using Nina Roesner’s The Respect Dare: 40 Days to a Deeper Connection with God and Your Husband as a guide, posting about their journey. And I will be doing it with you!

I’ve spent much of my life trying to figure out who I am. In my professional life, I’ve written mission statements. This Dare is sort of a mash-up of those two things.

For Dare 4, I’m supposed to write a positive purpose statement using the Dare 3 assessment. Wait—not all areas of marriage were covered in that assessment. Where was sex? Where was any physical affection or relating to anyone at all? There were all these other areas, but nothing about being physically present with anyone. Is this me being stubborn? Is this me being a sex blogger and seeing through that perspective? (Wow, did I really just write that I’m a sex blogger? That sounds so edgy. I’m not edgy. Am I really a sex blogger? Well, after a series on oral sex, I guess I am. But I digress.)

“[W]rite a positive, present-tensed purpose statement of who you think God has planned for you to be and how you are to interact primarily in your marriage and family.”

Hmm. Based on Dare 3, where I mentioned discipleship, write a purpose statement. How does that tell me how to interact in my marriage and family? I knew I should have picked the whole household management section, but I didn’t want to set myself to be promising to clean my house. I’m not seeing the connection yet. I’ve decided to believe that there will be one at some point.

So, I’m going to be more prayerful and more regular in my Bible reading.

Purpose statement: I am a daughter of God. I am a sister in Christ. I love my husband more than myself. If he loses his shirt, I will give him mine. (Yeah, he’d like it if I took the shirt off my back, but I’m pretty sure he’d no longer be worried about clothes of his own.) Our marriage is the primary earthly relationship through which my husband experiences the love of God and the mercy of Christ.

There, that doesn’t sound too bad. But can I do that? When I pray and then type with my eyes closed and God guiding my fingers, I end up with some pretty decent things.

Oh, wait. I didn’t mention anything about respect in there. Well, I think it’s wrapped up in the love part. At this point in time, I’m seeing this Respect Dare as learning to submit to God. I struggle with that all the time. So I think this purpose statement does a good job of representing where I think I need to be heading.

Sisters, will you share your purpose statement in the comments? What did you learn about yourself doing this Dare?

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7 Thoughts on “Respect Dare 4: Who I Will Become

  1. Nunia bizness (jk) on July 13, 2013 at 11:21 am said:

    I am convinced it is the intent of the heart that is missing. Physical intimacy is just that, “physical”…. or is it? True intimacy begins with an intent. It starts in the morning. It’s all about purpose of the heart. Isn’t sex an outward event that begins inward? I haven’t been shown that and wonder why it’s never present.
    You’re working backwards and that’s fine as long as you find yourself in God’s will. My wife has no idea she is sinning over a hundred times every day, every year, ….. No idea. It’s probably MY fault.
    It’s always my fault that I don’t get to enjoy love. I’ve heard it all my life, “Oh, you wouldn’t understand. You’re just a man”!
    Therefore, my thoughts are meaningless. My desires, needs, and wants are threatening. The love I want to share is useless and worthless. And God forbid if I should ever dare to request love be displayed to ME! Certainly it is asking too much for another to display love… you know that thing that God is supposedly made of? Love? Sharing and all of that?!
    Yeah, great life we have here.

    • As my physical (read: sexual) efforts changed, my heart began to soften Once my heart began to change, our intimacy opened into a whole new world.

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  5. IntimacySeeker on July 10, 2014 at 2:53 pm said:

    I am a year behind you in this process, but thought I would share my Positive Purpose Statement:
    My identity is anchored in belonging to Jesus. I nurture this relationship with daily Scripture reading and prayer, and live out my faith with a grateful heart and generous spirit. My home is orderly and modestly adorned, guided by a minimalist approach that demonstrates our commitment to sound stewardship. I listen much and speak little, choosing my words carefully in my effort to encourage. When I offer an alternative opinion, I do so with grace and humility. My husband confides in me in the full knowledge he is accepted and respected unconditionally and that I will speak the truth in love when appropriate. Placing my future in God’s capable hands, I expect blessings each day and approach life with confidence. I use my sexuality to bless my husband and enjoy sharing sexual pleasure with him, celebrating my femininity as it reflects God’s image. I recognize progress in my journey and trust God to deal with my perfectionist tendencies. My head knowledge and heart knowledge are becoming one.

    • Thank you for sharing. This is lovely.

      Your comment encouraged me to look back at the mission state I wrote. At the time, I had no idea if what I wrote was even possible. A year later, I am stunned to realize that I have put this statement into action without even realizing it.

      What will you see a year from now?

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