This is a follow-up to my Oral Blessings post. As I mentioned at the beginning of that post, please read no further if you are uncomfortable reading about oral sex. It is my belief that oral sex can be a blessing in a Christian marriage bed.
I intended to write a post about strategies for addressing a multitude of challenges women face in giving their husbands oral sex. Since I mentioned that I would be doing this in an upcoming post, I’ve received so many emails and comments about one particular challenge that I’ve decided to focus on just that one for today—the gag reflex.
I have a strong gag reflex, so this issue is near and dear to me. Here are some suggestions you can try to work through your own gag reflex. (Some have been tested by me, and others are things I haven’t gotten around to trying yet.)
Try different positions. Several women have written to say that the 69 position works well, so that is definitely worth a try. Kathleen commented, “I can tell newbies that it is WAY easier to give fellatio in the 69 style! Trying to do it kneeling in front of him is a gag, literally for me!” Remember, though, that you are dealing with two unique bodies. The angle of your husband’s erection, your height, your health (such as my constant sinus problems and arthritic knees), and your comfort all matter. Another woman has said that she does best if she lies on her back with her head hanging off the edge of the bed while her husband stands next to the bed. What works well for one woman may not work well for you; in fact, what worked well for us in our late 20’s doesn’t work well for us as we approach 50. Try different positions until you find something that does a better job of keeping your gag reflex at bay. Also, remember that you don’t need to use the same position the entire time. Oral sex for the purpose of arousal may work nicely in a position that doesn’t work well for thrusting that accompanies his orgasm.
Practice, practice, practice. One woman wrote to say that she practiced using a popsicle stick to help her develop some control over the gag reflex. Also, the only way to get better at oral sex is to just keep doing it. Once I dedicated myself to getting really comfortable with it, I just kept trying. I’d use different positions for my body and different angles for my head. The more I did it, the longer I could go. Of course, that also meant that we more frequently got to a point where my husband couldn’t help but thrust, and then my gag reflex would kick in again; the important thing, I think, was that I would give myself a moment to recover and then get right back to it. Perseverance and commitment go a long way here.
Maintain control. It helps me to know I’m in control of the depth of any thrusting. I don’t do well at all if my husband grabs my head. Good communication helps. I’ve asked my husband to try to grab my hands instead if he really needs to grab something. Once I get better control over the gag reflex I will be able to revisit this. Many women find that the best way to control depth is to have a hand wrapped around the base of the penis while giving oral sex. This adds some different sensations, and with an edible lube (such as coconut oil or a flavored gel) to help your hands, you can keep the feeling of wet and warm for your husband. Basically, if you can control the thrusting, your gag reflex may be less likely to be triggered.
Put the gag reflex to good use. Norlynda commented, “I used to hate the gag reflex, but I now use it to my advantage. I hope this will not offend anyone, but I actually USE my gag reflex for more lubrication.” I have found this to be true as well. The last time it happened, I was so determined to be successful that I just kept going.
Spray it away. Doc Johnson makes an anesthetic throat spray called Good Head. (No, I’m not making this up.) It is specifically for numbing the back of the throat in order to suppress the gag reflex. You can get it in Spencer’s Gifts at a shopping mall, or you can order it online at Amazon or Spencer’s. Someone also suggested that I try Chloraseptic throat spray, since I could get that at the drugstore and avoid any embarrassment. I’ve tried this, and it worked for me. I also have Good Head, although I haven’t tried it yet since Chloraseptic seems to be working for now.
Add some other stimulation. One woman wrote to me that giving oral sex in front of a mirror gives her husband something to look at in order to make up for the fact that she is still struggling with deep throat oral sex. I recently discovered that doing a striptease before starting oral sex and then doing a lot of teasing with my hands elicited so much arousal that I didn’t need to do oral sex for as long as I otherwise might.
What other ideas have worked for you in tackling the gag reflex?
Oral Blessings Series
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Hey, girl! Thanks for the shout out! I was a little nervous about sharing that, but I was so thrilled with my discovery that I felt it MIGHT help someone else! I use to HATE gagging! But now it’s, shall we say, a very useful tool!
One other thing, I sometimes will lay my head back over the side of the bed (upside down) so my throat opens up more. I find this to help with the gag reflex, as well.
I also use to close the back of my throat. That way he could thrust and thrust, but could only get as far as I decided he could! Ha!
And, seriously, the more you do it (gag) the more you get use to it and know exactly how your body will react AND you won’t be as scared of it. OK my two cents…. 😉
I figured that if it worked for you, it was likely to work for someone else, too!
All of your points above are helpful to wives. Maintain control and practice are good to remember. My suggestion for wives is to go slow with your oral sex. In time, with experience you will likely be more comfortable and know the limits of your gag reflex.
But, is there really a need for deep throating during oral sex? As a husband, I would say “not really”. If the wife uses one of her hands on the shaft in addition to the sucking and licking of the head of the penis, this will provide more than adequate stimulation for her husband. Deep throating per se is not necessary. If she does not take the penis into the back of her mouth near her throat, she is not likely to trigger her gag reflex.
Forgive my being so explicit or graphic, but deep throating is often attempted by the wife so as to avoid dealing with her husband’s semen at the time of his ejaculation. As above, with experience the wife usually becomes more comfortable and does not have much of a problem with accepting the semen in her mouth.
Thanks for your comments! I don’t think there’s necessarily a need for deep throating, but if it is a husband’s desire, it is worth trying for him.
Oh my, it appears that you have the definition of deep throating. Deep throating is not going far back in the mouth near the throat, it is when the penis actually goes down the esophagus, hence deep THROAT. Otherwise it could be called deep mouth.
*blush* Yes, thank you for the shout out too, ha!
If it helps another woman, I don’t want to keep it a secret. 🙂
My gag reflex comes from the thought of semen or pre cum in my mouth. I don’t like the texture, smell, or taste. I do use a flavored lube to give head but I just can’t get over the fact that I know he is about to cum and don’t want it in there. HELP.
I recently saw a suggestion somewhere to try using a sheepskin condom for giving oral sex, and flavored lube or chocolate syrup as well. It will still feel good for him, and it gives you a chance to get used to the idea of him ejaculating while he’s in your mouth even though you won’t have the semen in your mouth. You might want to try this for a while, just to help you get to a point where you don’t automatically back off when you know he’s going to finish.
Are you able to give oral sex up until that point? If you are, and if you can then give really awesome hand stimulation to help him finish, that can be good as well.
For me, chocolate syrup really did the trick. It disguised the texture and flavor enough for me to get past the psychological issues, and now I don’t need it anymore–but it took a while to get to that point.
Hey, there, Kathy. I use to feel the EXACT SAME as you. I have two suggestions: First is to change your attitude toward it. I actually had to see it as my reward for all my work. I know. I know. You don’t see it that way now, but if you buy (or check out from the library) books on how to give great blow jobs, (Yes, I actually bought a book about it and it helped tremendously!) it may give you a new perspective and make it a challenge. I LOVE to swallow now. And I don’t push him past my gag reflex – deep throat – when he [finishes]. I hold it in my mouth until he’s finished and then swallow in one fell swoop and it’s done. Easy for me now, and no mess. Plus, and I’ve researched this – there are mood enhancing properties in semen that can improve mood – Seriously! Second, here is a product that might help. It numbs your throat and mouth so you can not feel or taste anything. It is called Pipedream Products Comfortably Numb Deep Throat Spray and it comes in a few different flavors. I get mine from a local shop, but you can get it off amazon or ebay. It just might get you through the learning curve. Regular flavored gels never worked for me, but every woman is different. Semen is what it is and it’s not gonna change. I worked to learn to love it for what it is. BUT, I had to change my attitude. Believe me, I felt and thought the very same way a few years ago. Now, I LOVE to do this!
I absolutely love being on the giving end of oral sex, and swallowing is not a problem at all. But the deep throat gets me every time . But, since I know that he really likes it I am determined to conquer this little problem. Thanks for the ideas and suggestions. Looking forward to trying them out.
Good for you! I hope some of these help, even if it just takes lots of practice.
My only problem with the numbing spray is that new research is actually confirming that the Vagus nerve runs from the brain, touching the back of the throat, through other systems and then stops at the cervix. All that to say that vaginal orgasms are now thought to be partly because of the Vagus nerve and if it touches the back of the throat, that is why some women find deep-throating enjoyable and may lead to orgasm.
I think a major problem for many is the idea of the semen. But It seems that people think of it as something gross, like it is one of the body’s waste products. It is absolutely not! It is the seed of life, and perhaps the most important thing a male body can produce!
LOL! OK, Evan, I hear what you’re saying and I do agree with you. That being said, I do need to point out something else. I am guessing, from the name “Evan” that you’re a guy. (If you are not, I apologize for the assumption.) It always amuses me when guys post comments like this. It’s easy to give advice and say things like your comment, when you know that you’re not going to be the one with the semen in your mouth! Please understand, my reply is done without malice. (I’m grinning as I type this.) It’s all in good fun. I just couldn’t let that one go.
Ask your husband to drink fruit juices/nectars throughout the day (instead of sodas or other no-so-good-tasting beverages), ask him to eat more fruit. If he smokes, drinks beer or alcohol, these will make him taste more “bitter/sour”. The more fruit/nectar he consumes the sweeter his semen will taste. The sweeter it tastes the more enjoyable it becomes…imagine “pudding”. 🙂 Hope this helps!
Practice. Over time you can reduce the severity of the gag reflex by getting the soft palette accustomed to something touching it. Try it with your tooth brush a little every night and after awhike you’ll notice it has gone down!
ps. I’m glad the there is a blog like this to let people know that Christians are normal people and have normal sexual issues too and aren’t holier than thou
Thanks for your suggestion! Incorporating it into your tooth-brushing routine doesn’t even take much time. Thanks for your comment. 🙂
I can deep throat him no problem, so it’s not the uvula getting in the way. Like Kathy, I can’t STAND [semen] in my mouth. I used to be able to do it, but now that sensation turns me inside out! I think it’s the texture and flavor in combination with both of us aging! ??
Once when we were a LOT younger, my beloved [finished] in my mouth, then I gave him a big kiss and gave it back to him in his mouth. 😀 (He thought that was gross and didn’t ask to [finish] in my mouth again for a long time!)
I sure do appreciate your blog, Chris. Of all the sex and marriage blogs I’ve been reading lately, yours has helped me the most. ♥
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! @mybeloveds comment!!! That’s fantastic!!!
I’m still laughing, too Haddasah. He reminded me of this event the other day and we both had a good laugh. 😀
Just a word of encouragement for the ladies. Anything that you do down there is going to be VERY appreciated, and most men aren’t hung up on the whole finishing in your mouth / swallowing, etc.. thing, (we do want to kiss you afterwards, remember?) [edit] So whether its just a warm up to the main event or you use a condom or finish with your hand. (accidents happen, but he should be giving you some warning that he is close) he is going to be pretty much rocked either way. So stop worrying about that part of it and just know how much the Christan men of the world appreciate your willingness to do it. (and are happy to reciprocate as well) 😉
Thanks for encouraging us to make the effort. The fear of him finishing in the mouth is one of the reasons many women avoid oral altogether.
Amen, brother! LOL!
Sooo then the drugstore sore throat medication won’t make him numb? It won’t ruin the moment?
If you spray the stuff way in the back of your throat but his penis spends most of its time in the front part of your mouth, there may not be much contact. Also, any residual medication is likely to be removed from the penis with the tongue during oral sex, whereas the back of the throat won’t have that going on. Obviously this is something you won’t know for yourself until you try it. Depending on your technique and on the anatomy of your mouth and your husband’s penis, this might vary from one couple to the next.
I know this is an old article and maybe no one is still around to see these comments but just in case- I think it seems unhealthy to “train away” your gag reflex. Practicing getting something to sit in your throat without gagging? God made gag reflexes for a reason. If you’re doing something that you have to try to stop having a gag reflex for, then maybe it just isn’t a healthy thing to do.
Good point. Many of the suggestions in this post are less about training away the gag reflex and more about avoiding triggering the gag reflex in the first place. I wanted to be sure to include options for women who feel as you do but also women who want to figure out a way to not gag.