Note of caution: this post is exactly what you think it’s about. If you are uncomfortable reading about male body parts, you may want to stop reading.
Yesterday I encouraged you to think about asking your husband, “What do you want?”
Today, I’m going to write about one specific thing that many women will hear when they ask that question: oral sex. No, I’m not going to give you, um, blow-by-blow instructions.Others can do that far better than I. What I’d like to talk about is how to mentally move from a state of “You want me to do what?!” to a state of “I’ve found my new superpower, and it is my mouth.” This is about how to get yourself more comfortable with the idea of oral sex and work yourself up to it.
Why oral sex anyway? It feels good. It is solely about the man’s pleasure, so it makes him feel well cared for and special. It shows him that you accept the core of his manhood in a way that he can literally see. A man knows that his wife is actively engaged, not just lying back passively.
Women, we can know all this intellectually. We can understand it in our hearts. But if we have never attempted it, if we tried it and had problems, or if it’s been a looooong time since we’ve done it, it can be hard to know where to begin. Even when our hearts want us to bless our husband and honor his request, it just isn’t likely that we’re going to become a deep throat diva overnight.
I believe in the value of small steps and the importance of remembering that slow progress is still progress. With that in mind, I’d like to suggest some steps you can take if you want to honor your husband’s request for oral sex.
1. Commit to it. Don’t just think that maybe you’ll give it a try some day. Promise yourself that you will figure it out. If the idea just grosses you out, work on it. If you aren’t comfortable talking to women in your real life about this, search for assistance online. Participate in Christian marriage forums, visit blogs by Christian wives, read what other women have to say–not only about how to do it but about why they like to do it for their husbands. Commit to figuring this out so you can bless your husband.
At this point, you don’t need to commit to how far it will go. If the thought of deep throating or even having him ejaculate in your mouth is too much for you right now, set that aside until you’re further along in the process. Remember that oral sex feels awesome to him for as long as you can do it–and if you are ready to give him a happy ending in another way, you’re still making progress.
2. Cozy up to his penis. Get comfortable touching it and looking at it closely. Remind yourself that his penis is for you, not just for him. If you have concerns about cleanliness, ask your husband to take a good scrubby shower first. (If he knows what he’ll get out of it, he probably won’t mind.) Let yourself be amazed at the contrast between soft skin and hard flesh. Get familiar with how it responds to your touch. Get to know all the other zones around the penis (not just the scrotum ).Use touch to get to know your man’s manhood.
3. Put your mouth to his manhood. Maybe you’ll need to work up to it. Start by having your face near the penis while you’re touching it. Let him feel your breath. When you’re ready, kiss it–on the shaft, on the tip, where ever. Once you’re comfortable kissing it, add an occasional lick. All this can be done without actually putting it into your mouth. Then, when you’re ready, put his manhood in your mouth. Start with just the head. Allow yourself to get comfortable slowly. It may take you a few weeks to get to this point. Once you’re ready, put his manhood as far in your mouth as you find comfortable. And then let him tell you what he’d like you to do with your tongue and lips.
4. But what about . . . ? Men hear all sorts of reasons why women don’t want to provide them with oral sex: she can’t breathe, she has a gag reflex, semen is gross, etc. I’m going to address these and more in an upcoming post. (If you have any specific reasons you’d like me to tackle, send me an email and I’ll see what I can do.)
If you commit to this and follow through, you will see what a blessing it is to your husband. It may not seem easy at first, but it is worth the effort.
Selflessly giving my husband that pleasure, experiencing his responses, and knowing how much this act means to him emotionally as well as physically blesses me in return. It is when I am the most giving and selfless that I most feel myself to be the one God designed for my husband’s joy. The experience moves me to tears every single time.
Are you ready to provide some oral blessings in your marriage?
Oral Blessings Series
Image courtesy of Patchareeya99 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net