This is a follow-up to my Oral Blessings post. As I mentioned at the beginning of that post, please read no further if you are uncomfortable reading about oral sex. It is my belief that oral sex can be a blessing in a Christian marriage bed.
I intended to write a post about strategies for addressing a multitude of challenges women face in giving their husbands oral sex. Since I mentioned that I would be doing this in an upcoming post, I’ve received so many emails and comments about one particular challenge that I’ve decided to focus on just that one for today—the gag reflex.
I have a strong gag reflex, so this issue is near and dear to me. Here are some suggestions you can try to work through your own gag reflex. (Some have been tested by me, and others are things I haven’t gotten around to trying yet.)
Try different positions. Several women have written to say that the 69 position works well, so that is definitely worth a try. Kathleen commented, “I can tell newbies that it is WAY easier to give fellatio in the 69 style! Trying to do it kneeling in front of him is a gag, literally for me!” Remember, though, that you are dealing with two unique bodies. The angle of your husband’s erection, your height, your health (such as my constant sinus problems and arthritic knees), and your comfort all matter. Another woman has said that she does best if she lies on her back with her head hanging off the edge of the bed while her husband stands next to the bed. What works well for one woman may not work well for you; in fact, what worked well for us in our late 20’s doesn’t work well for us as we approach 50. Try different positions until you find something that does a better job of keeping your gag reflex at bay. Also, remember that you don’t need to use the same position the entire time. Oral sex for the purpose of arousal may work nicely in a position that doesn’t work well for thrusting that accompanies his orgasm.
Practice, practice, practice. One woman wrote to say that she practiced using a popsicle stick to help her develop some control over the gag reflex. Also, the only way to get better at oral sex is to just keep doing it. Once I dedicated myself to getting really comfortable with it, I just kept trying. I’d use different positions for my body and different angles for my head. The more I did it, the longer I could go. Of course, that also meant that we more frequently got to a point where my husband couldn’t help but thrust, and then my gag reflex would kick in again; the important thing, I think, was that I would give myself a moment to recover and then get right back to it. Perseverance and commitment go a long way here.
Maintain control. It helps me to know I’m in control of the depth of any thrusting. I don’t do well at all if my husband grabs my head. Good communication helps. I’ve asked my husband to try to grab my hands instead if he really needs to grab something. Once I get better control over the gag reflex I will be able to revisit this. Many women find that the best way to control depth is to have a hand wrapped around the base of the penis while giving oral sex. This adds some different sensations, and with an edible lube (such as coconut oil or a flavored gel) to help your hands, you can keep the feeling of wet and warm for your husband. Basically, if you can control the thrusting, your gag reflex may be less likely to be triggered.
Put the gag reflex to good use. Norlynda commented, “I used to hate the gag reflex, but I now use it to my advantage. I hope this will not offend anyone, but I actually USE my gag reflex for more lubrication.” I have found this to be true as well. The last time it happened, I was so determined to be successful that I just kept going.
Spray it away. Doc Johnson makes an anesthetic throat spray called Good Head. (No, I’m not making this up.) It is specifically for numbing the back of the throat in order to suppress the gag reflex. You can get it in Spencer’s Gifts at a shopping mall, or you can order it online at Amazon or Spencer’s. Someone also suggested that I try Chloraseptic throat spray, since I could get that at the drugstore and avoid any embarrassment. I’ve tried this, and it worked for me. I also have Good Head, although I haven’t tried it yet since Chloraseptic seems to be working for now.
Add some other stimulation. One woman wrote to me that giving oral sex in front of a mirror gives her husband something to look at in order to make up for the fact that she is still struggling with deep throat oral sex. I recently discovered that doing a striptease before starting oral sex and then doing a lot of teasing with my hands elicited so much arousal that I didn’t need to do oral sex for as long as I otherwise might.
What other ideas have worked for you in tackling the gag reflex?
Image courtesy of antpkr at FreeDigitalPhotos.net