Loving My Husband

 When I love my husband, I nurture his heart in a way that only I can do.

What does it mean to love your husband?

Before I got married, I figured love would make everything easy.

Over time, though, I fell out of being “in love” with my husband. Once I no longer felt love—in that all-encompassing, overwhelming rush of being in new love—I didn’t know what to do.

The Bible tells me much in 1 Corinthians 13 when it says,

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (verses 4-8a)

Loving my husband means that I treat love as a verb. We think of love as a feeling, and it is—but it is so much more. It is also an action. There are times when loving my husband is a daily decision.

Loving as an action, not just a feeling, requires intention. When I’m not feeling the love, it is still important to love my husband.

So how does this actually look in my marriage?

  • I think about his preferences for things. I make a point of having food he likes for dinner, and I make it in a way he likes. I fold his underwear the way he likes. (Then again, the fact that I even fold his underwear at all is an act of love!) My nightwear is what he likes. This doesn’t mean I never do things the way I want. It means that I make a point of doing things the way he wants sometimes.
  • I look for my husband’s heart in his actions. I look for his actions as expressions of his love for me, even when they aren’t things that feel particularly loving to me. My husband isn’t big on taking personality or love tests, but every once in a while he’ll humor me and do one. His primary love language is Acts of Service. When he cooks, he will dish my food onto a plate and bring it to me. He usually gives me more than I want, and sometimes he doesn’t arrange the food the way I like. It would be easy for me to complain and reject his offering since he doesn’t do it the way I like—but he would experience it as a rejection of his love. So I accept the plate, knowing that it is a way that he demonstrates his love for me.
  • I show him love in ways that matter to him. One of the things that totally makes his heart melt is when I prepare a plate for him, just like he sometimes does for me. It is when I serve him in some way that I can most see that he feels loved by my actions.
  • I spend time with him. My husband is from a TV-watching family, so in the evening when there isn’t anything else going on, he likes to sit and watch the television. I am not much of a TV watcher. I’d rather read or be online. My preference in the evening would be to find a quiet place to sit alone and read. Instead, I sit next to Big Guy while he watches TV. I’ll have my tablet or laptop with me so I can do what I want, and I usually have my earbuds in to listen to music and block out the TV sounds—but I am physically present with him. It matters a great deal to him that I choose to be with him.
  • I look for opportunities to bless him. I offer him what I know matters to him. This might mean a backrub, a special kiss, a flashing, or a sexual activity that I know he particularly loves. I don’t bless him in these ways only when he seems to need it; I look for times when he doesn’t need it as a way of helping him feel loved.

Loving my husband means that I make a choice to be generous to him. I think about what speaks love to him, and I do things that way when I can.


My actions of love have a high impact on my husband. He wakes up every morning knowing that he is loved, and he goes to sleep every night secure in that same knowledge.

When I love him, I nurture his heart in a way that only I can do. His nurtured heart, in turn, is better equipped to deal with my heart. My choice to love my husband has resulted in both of us feeling more loved.

Love as a feeling doesn’t make everything easy like I thought it would when I married. Love as an action doesn’t make things easy, either. There are times when loving my husband isn’t an easy thing to do.

Love isn’t always easy—but it makes our marriage a whole lot better for both of us.

How do you love your husband?

Other posts about loving your husband

The Greatest of These
When They’re Most Unlovable
Are You in Love with Your Husband?
How Does He Feel Most Loved?

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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10 Comments on “Loving My Husband”

  1. I am pretty sure my husband’s primary love language is also Acts of service. He likes when I fold and put away his clothes the way he likes. He enjoys it that I serve up his dinner plate and beverage before allowing anyone else to get food. ( I make sure he gets the best piece!) He also enjoys me just being there with him while he does a chore. I like doing all these things because in turn my husband allows and accepts my love languages.. physical touch and quality time. Yep I am bilingual LOL… He knows that for me, sitting watching TV is not QUALITY time.. so he invites me to things many husbands would not. I get to go on most fishing trips. I get to go hunting. I get to do many things that frequently husbands use as their “man time” He also likes that I have gained an affinity for these activites.
    It can be strange sometimes when we go camping with friends.. All the boys will be planning to get up early to fish.. all the girls want to sleep in and not go. I WANT to go! I only stay behind if a large group of boys want to go since they don’t get to go often and I do…

  2. Wow! What a beautiful message about your husband and your love for him. I try to out-bless my husband with acts of service. I work for him so it happens every single day. You are so right, love is an action verb.

  3. Love always assumes the best about someone. One of the best ways to love our husbands is to assume that he has the best motivations when he says or does something. It’s a great way for us to develop patience, act tenderhearted & kind, and show mercy.

  4. My husband likes to be touched. I hold his hand when we sit to watch tv. I will watch a dvd in the bedroom and rub his head and ears; he says it relaxes him so he can sleep better. I fix him his favorite meals and make sure the snacks he likes are available to him.

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