Semen is part of sex. If you’re going to have sex with your husband, you’re going to need to get comfortable with his semen.
So let’s just dig in, shall we?
A Brief Semen Seminar
Let me start with some super basic biology. I recommend that you take a look at two articles on The Marriage Bed: The Male Genitals and The Anatomy of Male Arousal. They give much more information than I do here.
Semen is the fluid that is expelled through your husband’s penis during his orgasm. It consists mostly of water, amino acids, protein, and fructose. A little under 5% of the semen is comprised of the sperm that can fertilize the egg inside the woman’s body. The expulsion of the semen from the penis at orgasm is called an ejaculation.
At the beginning of ejaculation, sperm from the testicles mixes with fluids from the seminal vesicles (mostly fructose and fluid) and the prostate gland (a milky substance with enzymes, minerals, and protein) to make semen. The bladder closes off. At this point, the ejaculation cannot be stopped. Men sometimes refer to this as the Point of No Return.
At orgasm, your husband experiences contractions at the base of his penis that force the semen through the penis and out the end.
The average amount of semen a man ejaculates at one time is one teaspoon, even though it may seem like it’s way more than that. Sometimes a man will have more and sometimes less. The fluid provides part of the physical pleasure for your husband’s. If he has a larger amount of semen than usual, his orgasm will be more pleasurable for him.
Semen Fun Facts!
- Semen has only 10 calories.
- Semen is not a significant source of your daily nutrition, but it does contain some proteins and minerals.
- At the time of ejaculation, semen is a gel. After about twenty minutes, it becomes liquid.
- Semen is sterile until it exits the body.
- Semen makes good invisible ink. It was used by British secret service agents during World War I. (This article explains more.) They stopped because of the smell that was inflicted on the recipients of the secret messages. Stale semen held over heat to show the ink apparently smells bad. Go figure.
Semen and Emotions. Really.
I recently surveyed wives about their feelings about their husband’s semen. I expected that most women would either really love it or really hate it. I was surprised that for around half of the women who took the survey, their feeling was mostly “meh.”
Women who had positive reactions associated semen with pleasure, arousal, happiness, feeling powerful, and deep intimacy. Negative opinions about semen included views such as gross, slimy, yucky, ew, gloppy, and mucous. Women who don’t particularly like or dislike it tended to say that they accept it as part of sex, but they don’t particularly enjoy it.
If you’re a wife who loves it, that’s great! If you don’t like it or are grossed out by it, then you might be sending your husband a message that you don’t intend.
For us, semen might seem like little more than a fluid that is a by-product of orgasm.
For our husbands, though, semen represents the essence of their manhood and sexuality. It is part of them. An orgasm floods a man with bonding hormones. He is emotionally open at that moment. Accepting it represents a wife’s acceptance of him as a man.
Maybe that sounds a little crazy—but when I read what men have to say about how they feel emotionally about how their wives treat their semen, it’s pretty clear:
A wife’s welcoming acceptance of her husband’s semen speaks into his heart.
Imagine what a wife’s rejection of his semen speaks into her husband’s heart: rejecting his semen is a rejection of his sexuality and of him.
Rejecting his semen might include some of these things:
- Wiping it away from your body as soon as sex is over.
- Refusing to come in contact with his semen except for reproductive purposes.
- Not letting him ejaculate on your body.
- Expressing disgust through facial expressions or through such words like ew, gross, ugh, etc.
- Talking about it as a necessary mess that is preferably avoided.
- Refusing to swallow during oral sex.
I want to point out that not every act on this list is necessarily a rejection in every marriage. If the smell or appearance of semen is too reminiscent of experiences with sexual abuse or assault, for instance, or if a woman has a highly pronounced gag reflex, then a loving husband should be able to understand that something other than rejection is in play.
Accept—and Embrace—His Semen
I would like to encourage you to pursue enjoyment of your husband’s semen.
Accepting your husband’s semen can include the following:
- Smiling when you see it or touch it.
- Inviting your husband to ejaculate in your mouth or on your body.
- Letting the semen stay on your body for a little while after sex.
- Rubbing it on your body.
- Using positive and encouraging words to let your husband know that you love his semen or want to feel his semen in you, or on you.
- Swallowing during oral sex.
If you’re in the “ew, that’s gross” category, this list probably seems like a tall order.
Let me suggest some steps you can take to help you change your perception.
- Reframe your thinking. When negative thoughts about semen come to mind, think about your husband, your love for him, and how he feels about his semen. You can think it’s a little gross and ALSO think of it as a sign of deep intimacy and an outward sign of your husband’s sexuality and masculinity. Once you get more comfortable with the positive thoughts, try to push out the negative ones altogether.
- Add another fluid to the semen to help you adjust. If you are giving your husband a hand job, use hair conditioner that is similar in color to semen. When your husband ejaculates, the semen will mix with the fluid that is already on your hands and won’t seem as overwhelming. Or, if you are trying to get comfortable with oral sex, add chocolate syrup to your husband’s penis so his semen has a little chocolate taste to it.
- Progressively increase your exposure and comfort. For instance, if your husband is ejaculating onto your breasts, the thought of rubbing his semen on you might be a bit much. However, you can touch it briefly. You can smile at him. You can speak positive words about it.
- Work on your words. At first, you may need to focus on not saying negative words. Instead of saying, “ew,” just think it. Then start to think about what you can say that is positive. If you aren’t ready to say something like, “I love the way your semen feels inside me” (because you don’t yet like the feeling) perhaps you could say, “I love it when you put your semen in me” (because even though you don’t like the feeling, you DO love the fact that your husband is having an orgasm with you). Find words that are truthful and affirming. Eventually, you may be able to tell AND show your husband that you enjoy his semen.
If you’re struggling to be comfortable with your husband’s penis, check out this post. For suggestions specific to oral sex, see my Oral Blessings series (start here) or Should You Just Swallow Already? at Hot, Holy & Humorous.
Developing a positive attitude toward your husband’s semen is well worth the effort in helping him feel loved and accepted as a man. Even if you don’t come to love it, you can learn to enjoy it as a special part of your sexual intimacy together.
Image credit | Myriams-Fotos at Pixabay.com