I just saw this tweet from @themarriagebed:
For women who say no at least 1 time in 5 http://svy.mk/13TcbU5 ◄ A two question survey.
This absolutely doesn’t apply to me anymore (these days, I initiate more than my husband does), but it jumped out at me. It had never occurred to me to pay attention to how often my husband was asking for sex and how frequently I was saying no. Doing so might have helped me see what was happening a bit more objectively.
If you say no, start tracking*. Track how often he requests sex. Track how often you say no. Track how often you say yes. Always know when you last had sex. Track for a whole month. And then take a look at what that month tells you about your marriage bed.
Women who refuse often have a false sense of their sexual activity. “Didn’t we just do it last week, honey?” “No,” he sighs. “That was three weeks ago.” You may not be keeping track of your sexual frequency, but he probably is. Ask him.
If you have started to try to be more sexually attentive, saying yes more often, you can show that you’re serious about doing better by keeping a calendar in the bedroom that you can both see. He will appreciate seeing that you are making an effort.
*I have a LoveCal app for my Android phone. In addition to tracking activities (oral, hand, toy, regular), you can record positions as well. And there’s on option for sexual refusal.