“In Bed” (or, Lessons from a Fortune Cookie)

For years, I’ve heard that when you read your fortune from a fortune cookie, you should add the words “in bed” for a fun twist.

Try it out on these fortunes I found on Pinterest:

A dream you have will come true in bed.
A kiss can beautify souls, hearts, and thoughts in bed.
A smile is your passport into the hearts of others in bed.
Change can hurt, but it leads a path to something better in bed.
Enjoy the good luck a companion brings you in bed.
Flattery will go far tonight in bed.
Great things are made of little things in bed.
Never give up. You’re not a failure if you don’t give up in bed.
Nobody can be exactly like you in bed.
The greatest danger could be your stupidity in bed.
The man on the top of the mountain did not fall there in bed.
We write our own destiny. We become what we do in bed.
You cannot love life until you live the life you love in bed.

Obviously, fortune cookies are only for fun, but they do sometimes provide small bits of wisdom and humor. At times, adding the words “in bed” doesn’t work at all—but sometimes the words work quite well.

Two Lessons

I am not at all suggesting you get your marriage advice by adding the words “in bed” to fortune cookie sayings, but this game does provide some lessons that can help you improve your marriage—and your marriage in bed.

Lesson #1: Be intentional.

Those little slips of paper inside cookies don’t include the words “in bed.” You have to think to add them on your own.

I used to figure that our marriage and sex life should just improve on their own, without any effort from me. Nearly 20 years of that didn’t make any improvement at all. It wasn’t until I became intentional that I started to change my views and see real growth in our marriage.

There are several ways you can be intentional in bed.

So many wives tell me that they like sex well enough, but they just don’t ever think about it. Well, think about it!

• If sex is off your radar because you are juggling so many other things, figure out a way to add sex into the mix. Set a reminder on your phone to spend five minutes reminiscing about a special lovemaking session. Wear a necklace or perfume that your husband likes so every time you notice it throughout the day you think of him and remember to think about sex, too.
• Wives who are coming out of a season of avoiding or resisting sex may have husbands who trained themselves not to initiate because the rejection hurt them too much. These women can also be intentional about initiating. In fact, initiating was one of the things that helped me become more comfortable with sex. Instead of waiting for Big Guy to approach me and then feeling frustrated about being interrupted, I looked for moments when I was between tasks so I could approach him.
• When you’re in bed, do the things you know your husband loves—without being asked. Offer, or just do. Does he like to see your body? Leave the lights on or light a candle. Does he love to receive oral sex? Kiss him all the way down and have at it. Does he like to give you oral sex? Ask for it.

Look for ways to make sex—and thinking about sex—a regular part of your life.

If you’re looking for some ways to be intentional, check out these posts:

10 Ideas You Can Use to Initiate Sex
How Can You Initiate When You Don’t Even Want Sex?
How Do You Initiate Sex?
How Do You Manage Sex When Your Schedules Are Different?
How I Learned to Not Hate Sex
When He Wants You to Initiate
When You Initiate, Do This

Lesson #2: Consider how every principle applies in bed.

When we hear relationship suggestions or learn about biblical principles, we often think of them in general ways.

Be kind.
Learn how to deal with temptation.
Let everything you do be a witness to Christ.
Let love be the ruling principle of your life.
Pray.
Rely on the Holy Spirit.
Trust God.

When we add the words “in bed” to a fortune cookie, we sometimes find deeper meaning. We can do that with other suggestions we encounter as well. How does an idea or suggestion apply in bed?

What if we add “in bed” to these principles?

Be kind in bed.
Learn how to deal with temptation in bed.
Let everything you do be a witness to Christ in bed.
Let love be the ruling principle of your life in bed.
Pray in bed.
Rely on the Holy Spirit in bed.
Trust God in bed.

Now I’m going to suggest something shocking: Apply this idea to scripture, too.

God’s Word is for all areas of our lives—and that includes sex.

Our sexuality is not exempt from God’s guidance, correction, or help. Prayer was vital in my journey to address sex. That includes prayer during sex. In bed. When I struggled with something in bed with my husband, I often found myself thinking about a Bible verse I’d recently read and thought about how to apply it at that moment.

Consider these verses. What do they suggest if you apply them in bed?

Do to others as you would have them do to you. Luke 6:31

A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:6

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word. Psalm 119:28

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. Psalm 34:8

LORD my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me. Psalm 30:2

May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. Psalm 20:4

I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Psalm 16:8

We often view sexuality as something completely separate from our spirituality, but both of them are part of the whole of how God designed us to be. We should turn to God in everything, and that definitely includes how to grow in the area of sexuality.

❦❦❦

As Christians, we don’t believe in fortune. We don’t do luck. Adding “in bed” to cookie fortunes is just a game.

Fortunately, you don’t need a game to grow in bed. You can start to grow in bed by doing two things:

1. Be intentional.
2. Consider how every principle applies in bed.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

And also in bed.

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