It’s no news to anyone that women have body image issues. We’ve even had the recent Dove campaign remind us that we’re more beautiful than we think.
I’ve been reading lots of blog posts and articles about men being visually stimulated and needing to see the women they love while making love.
For some women, the thought of having sex completely naked, in full light, is quite intimidating. We look at our bodies and don’t think we look so hot. It may be hard to understand, but if your husband tells you he wants to see you naked—and if he reacts positively when he sees you partially or fully unclothed, being naked in the light is a worthy goal.
Our husbands want to see us—but with all these body images issues we have, just how are we supposed to get comfortable getting naked and being in our own skin? I’ve written about this a bit here and here .
I used to prefer sex under the covers, with the lights off. Once I got warmed up, I was okay being completely naked with dim lighting on—but there’s no way I ever wanted to start off in the full light, wearing nothing but my birthday suit. Now, I am completely comfortable doing the deed in the broad daylight, without a stitch on. How did I get here?
I’m a big believer in the value of taking things slowly, of just taking one small step at a time. (See this and this.) Here are some suggestions for small steps you can try. All have been tested by yours truly.
- Start with dim lighting. Candles (on a safe stable surface away from the bed) add a little romance. Start with just one candle, and as you get more comfortable, you can use more to increase the lighting. Scented candles add to the ambiance, too.
- Wear something that exposes your husband’s favorite parts while covering what you don’t like. I’m overweight. My stomach is way too big and covered with stretch marks. I found a slinky nightgown with stretchy spaghetti straps. I would pull the straps way down to expose the girls and lift the hem up to expose another relevant area, but my stomach would stay covered by the nightgown. Being able to cover the part I most disliked made it easier to get comfortable having other parts so exposed.
- Put a blindfold on your husband while you have the lights on. Yes, the whole point is for him to be able to see you—but if you can get used to being naked with the light on and not being seen, it will eventually be easier to be naked with the light on with him seeing you.
- Use strip tease principles. Show a little something and then cover it back up. Show him all your parts, one at a time. Teasing is a good thing, and it allows you to experience the build-up of seeing your man start to go ga-ga over what he’s seeing. I have absolutely no sense of rhythm or how to dance, so when I strip, it’s really about taking clothes off strategically. I don’t think my husband has noticed the lack of music or dancing yet.
- Allow the light to be on while you’re naked just for one or two minutes. Give him an eyeful, and then turn the lights back off—or way down. It gives him a little of what he needs, and it gives you a chance to slowly get more comfortable. This is basically the strip tease concept, but instead of removing the clothes, you’re removing the lighting.
- Dress and undress in front of him. And go slowly as his favorite parts of you are exposed. Let him see. And watch him react. This can be good for your confidence about your body.
Some of these things took a little more courage for me than others, but over time, I got more comfortable being naked in the light. Even more important, my husband was able to see that I was making an effort to try to do something just for him. This was huge in our marriage.
If your husband would like to see you in the light and the thought terrifies you, pick just one of these things and give it a shot. Take it slowly, and gradually build up the length of time you do it.
You are more beautiful to your husband than you think. Let him enjoy the image of your body, one step at a time.
Image courtesy of Salvatore Vuono at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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Amen! Let there be light!
You are so right, men are very visual. I for one think my wife of nearly 30 years, is more beautiful now than ever. I so enjoy drinking in the sight of every beautiful curve. What could be more beautiful than gazing at the the woman you love and desire, knowing that the feeling is mutual?
I agree so much with Bluemoon! It’s a mystery to me why married women can’t just leave it to their husbands to asess their beauty. And the remark about a stomach “covered with stretch marks”! If a man has fathered the children who gave rise to the stretch marks the sight of them will fill him with pride and love to the woman who carried his children.
Does light coming in from the windows at night count?? That is truly truly terrifying to be completely naked. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror . Psychologically, if I want to gag when I see myself, then it’s a hard concept to think he wouldn’t. Two c sections that left a “pouch”, stretch marks galore, and leftover breast feeding boobs…eeek! I love my kids very much and would do it all over for them, but kids certainly take tolls on your bodies! I’m working on it tho, praying hard to change my views, its just going to take time….probably a long time.
Yes, light coming in the windows at night counts–at least as a starting point 🙂
I’m 70-80 pounds overweight (working on that, finally), have pooch and stretch marks from two pregnancies (including twins), breastfeeding boobs, a c-section scar. I certainly didn’t start where I am now with getting naked.
How does your husband react when he sees you naked in light coming in from the windows at night? I found that once I got just a little brave a couple times, not only could my husband see me, I could also see his reaction. I still don’t intellectually understand how my husband finds me beautiful, but I can tell by his eyes and by, well, other male signs that he does like what he sees. Every time I saw his reaction and knew that he found me beautiful and sexy, it made it just a little bit easier to be brave the next time.
I’m still not so good at looking at myself in the mirror, although it helps when I take my glasses off.
Putting a red light bulb in a lamp by the bed creates a light that is flattering and romantic – reminiscent of firelight.
I’ll have to try that sometime!
This is scary on so many levels. I might have to try that red light!
Let me know how it works!
I so miss seeing my wife’s body. At 56 she is still gorgeous (even more so to me) and she still has maintained her weight and muscle tone close to what it was when we married. I try to tell her how beautiful and sexy she is but am rebuffed with a sarcastic “Yeah..right” . A sample of what I’m up against is the conversation that took place last night watching TV. A commercial comes on advertizing an up-coming holiday show featuring Victoria’s Secret models.
Her: (with humorous sarcasim) “Oh boy, a Victoria’s Secret special. You going to watch that ?”
Me: ” Nope, I’m not interested is seeing anyone other than you modeling stuff from Victoria’s Secret.”
Her: “Yeah..right.”
Me: ” No, I’m serious. I’d love to see you in…
Her: “Yeah, right.. I dont have any thing remotely resembling that, just sports bras and white underpants. ”
Me: “I’m well aware of what you have, but I’m telling you, you would look hot in some of that kind of lingerie.”
Her: “I’m 56…
Me: ” So ? You could still put a lot of 36 year olds to shame.”
Her: “Yeah…right. I think you need your eyes examined.”
Me: (facing away from her and said to myself) “No I need to “see” more of you.”
@ ELOVESC
Have you been to Victoria’s Secret yet? Go buy her something you’d love to see her in and tell her it’s your present to yourself for Christmas. Then ask her to please model it for you as her gift to you. It might just work. On the sly check out her sizes so you don’t get something to small (oh no, I’m too fat) or too big (oh no, this is how fat he thinks I am), LOL.
Today’s Generous Husband post includes some helpful links on how to buy lingerie for your wife.
How does she respond when you say it facing her?
Women have body image issues that make it hard to believe their husbands’ words. If she isn’t beautiful to herself, how could she possibly be beautiful to her husband?
I think many women can read your conversation with your wife and say, “Well, yeah. I totally get what she’s saying. Why is he even questioning it?”
I am pretty sure that I wouldn’t have responded well to being compared to other women, even with a positive comparison. If my husband were to tell me that I could put 36-year-olds to shame, here’s what would be running through my head: “You would only know that if you’d been actually looking at those women. And if you’ve been looking at them, there must be something really wrong with me that I’m not keeping his attention.”
While I still don’t understand why my husband thinks I’m beautiful, I believe him that to him, I truly am. And now, I am at a point in my marriage when that matters to me much more than it ever did.
@ trixie1466 thanks for your suggestion on getting her something from VS and asking her to model it as a gift to me, I just might do that.
@ ForgivenWife I dont know how she would respond, but I’m afraid it might be with “Yeah…right”.
I once literally saw her leap nearly 6 feet across the bedroom to slam the door when I came around the corner of the hallway and suprised her in a state of total undress.
But next time I get to say it I will.
Also thanks for the link on how to buy lingerie, I’m somewhat embarrassed to go into those parts of the stores. You would think for someone who once used to look at porn it would be small potatoes, but I can actually feel my face getting that red flush to it when I go to that part.