When you pray for your sex life, how do you pray?
Here’s how I used to pray:
- Help me get through this.
- Help me to not gag.
- Help Big Guy be happy with this so I don’t have to do it again soon.
- Help us not fight about sex this weekend.
- Help this be over soon.
- Please make it not be too bad of an experience.
- Please help me have an orgasm so I get something out of it.
- Please don’t let me have an orgasm because then he’ll think I like sex.
These were all prayers of negativity. They were prayers about not doing something. They were prayers of just getting through. They were prayers about avoidance and struggle. They were prayers about me.
Praying to get through something difficult sexually, I created some of my own problems. My prayers were me-focused. They kept my attention on negative things.
When I began to work on sexual intimacy, I spent a great deal of time rewriting the words that ran through my head so often—and that included my prayers. Instead of saying prayers of negativity, I began to pray about sex in terms of my husband’s experience or how our marriage will benefit, thereby keeping my attention on my husband and on our marriage.
Maybe changing my prayers didn’t make any difference to God because he knew what was I was really thinking, but the change helped my own attitude (which for me was often more than half the battle). And over time, the change helped transform my heart.
Here’s how I pray about my sex life now:
- Let this be a blessing to our marriage.
- Please let Big Guy feel loved by this time together.
- Help me be comfortable as I do this.
- Please make this a joyful experience for both of us.
- Help this strengthen our marriage.
- Help us build unity in our sexual intimacy.
- Please help us rock each other’s world tonight.
My prayers about my sex life are now positive.
Rather than praying about struggle and avoidance, I now pray about seeking and celebrating God’s gift of sexual intimacy.
How do you pray about the sexual intimacy in your marriage?
(You may want to take a look at Michael Hyatt’s post about the power of a positive vocabulary.)