Does this scenario sound familiar?
Your husband has said that he would like you to initiate sex sometimes.
As a wife who wants him to feel loved and desired, you make a genuine effort to do just that.
You look for ways to show your interest, dropping lots of hints. You caress his thigh at dinner. You flash him. You tease him. You make bedroom eyes at him. You “accidentally” give him a peek of something.
His response to your efforts is to ask about sex, and you end up in bed (or wherever). You are proud of yourself for initiating. Since you ended up having sex, you clearly did a good job! So you’re confused when he complains a few days later that you still never initiate.
Or, his response to your efforts falls completely flat. He may look confused, annoyed, or uncomfortable. You feel like you really put yourself out there, and after all his requests that you initiate more, why didn’t he follow through?
What is he thinking?
You made a big effort in letting him know you were interested—but in your husband’s eyes, all you did was get him to ask you for sex. Or, you teased him without following through.
Many guys (including my own) will say that they simply don’t pick up on hints or subtlety.
You know you did something to intentionally arouse or entice your husband. He is probably aware that he feels aroused or enticed, but he really may not understand that you were doing it on purpose or that you were trying to initiate—unless you tell him.
With time and experience, your husband will likely come to recognize your subtler hints and efforts.
But if you’re new or out of practice when it comes to initiation?
Be sure to do this one very important thing:
Be obvious.
Don’t leave any doubt in your husband’s mind.
Did she realize I could see all the way down her shirt when she leaned over? That turned me on. Doesn’t she know what she’s doing to me? How am I supposed to deal with this erection? I wonder if she’d be upset if I asked for sex right now? I wish she would initiate so I didn’t have to guess at her response.
If you have been using subtle hints to initiate, your husband might think he’s been the one initiating.
Be obvious.
Here are some ideas just how you can make it clear to your husband that you are initiating sex.
1. Be descriptive about what you want to do, even including some scripture for good measure.
Name body parts, actions, and/or locations.
“Let’s put your penis inside me.”
“I want to have some naked grown-up fun with you.”
“Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread everywhere. Let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.” Song of Songs 4:16
“Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.” Song of Songs 2:13
2. If it helps you feel more ready for sex, continue with your subtle teasing—but tell him that you intend to have your way with him in a short while.
“Just so you know, I am flashing you on purpose, so enjoy. I’ll be taking all my clothes off soon.”
“In case you wonder what’s going on, I am initiating sex with you.”
“Come, my beloved, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom—there I will give you my love. The mandrakes send out their fragrance, and at our door is every delicacy, both new and old, that I have stored up for you, my beloved.” Song of Songs 7:11-13
3. Act.
Actions speak louder than words, so instead of teasing or talking, just do it.
Grab him by the hand and lead him to the bedroom.
Even more obvious, grab him (gently, please) by the penis and lead him somewhere.
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In case my point here isn’t obvious, let me be clear:
Subtlety can be fun and can help you, but if you want your husband to clearly understand that you are initiating, be obvious.
Come away, my beloved, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the spice-laden mountains. Song of Songs 8:14
Check out these other resources about initiating sex!
From my blog:
10 Ideas You Can Use to Initiate Sex
How Can You Initiate When You Don’t Even Want Sex?
How Do You Initiate Sex?
When He Wants You to Initiate
From the podcast:
From Chapter 7 of J. Parker’s book:
This ^^^ is an affiliate link. If you use it to purchase the book, I get a small commission–and you get an awesome book!
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You put several great ideas out therefor ladies to use, Chris! If I may offer a few more:
How about simply walking into his presence nude and gently caress oneself?
Walk into his presence with one’s shirt totally undone with no bra on.
Walk into his presence, either nude or clothed, and tell him you have an itch that needs to be scratched and you need him to do it.
While he’s bathing or showering, get in the tub with him; unclothed of course.
If one is physically capable, if you can find him in a seated position, get on your knees in front of him, undo his pants, pull them and his underwear down and begin oral sex on him. If you’re comfortable with the act, don’t stop unless he requests you do.
Tell him that you’ve been thinking of him, in a very sexy way, all day, and you need him to have sex, or make love, to you; and, the sooner the better.
Once in his presence, give him a very erotic/sensual and prolonged kiss. Once the kiss is broken, caress/rub him sexually and describe, in detail, exactly what you would like him to do to please you, sexually.
Of course, the best way to initiate sex is to want to. If you can do that then keep thinking of positions/acts that you both find pleasurable. Then, keep thinking about them to get and keep yourself in the mood.
The brain is the biggest sex organ. Following this topic, if the wife can get and keep herself in the mood, most husbands will gladly and willingly join in. At least this has been my experiences as a male/husband.