This is a second follow-up to my Oral Blessings post. Please read no further if you are uncomfortable reading about oral sex. It is my belief that oral sex can be a blessing in a Christian marriage bed.
In my Oral Blessings post, I encouraged you to get comfortable with the idea of blessing your husband with oral sex. Years ago, I had an office mate who very quietly admitted to me that she had never done this for her husband. She couldn’t even tell me why she was offended by the idea. “I’ll have sex as often as he wants,” she said, “but I won’t do that. No way. End of story.”
Men hear all sorts of reasons why their wives don’t want to give them oral sex. The one I’ve personally struggled with I wrote about in Dealing with a Gag Reflex.
Today I’d like to address some of the other reasons women give for why they won’t do oral. If your husband would like to receive oral sex and you want to grow in how you sexually relate to your husband, it is worth working through these things.
Semen is gross. Try to reframe your thinking on this. If you’re having any kind of sex, there will be semen. It is the seed of life. Semen is a sexual and intimate part of your husband. It can be hurtful for a man to hear that this intimate part of himself, the substance that represents his manhood, is gross or disgusting. It is like saying that he as a man is gross or disgusting. Even if you can’t reshape your thinking about semen, you can speak kindly about it. Learn to accept it, even if you can’t come to embrace it.
I’ll confess—I don’t love the consistency or taste of semen. Fortunately, I’ve discovered a trick—chocolate syrup! Just a drop or two on the tip of the penis is enough to disguise the consistency of pre-ejaculate. (There are also flavored gels made just for this purpose.) When I am able to have him finish in my mouth, there’s always just a bit of chocolate still in my mouth, so it helps with that, too. With chocolate syrup, it’s a win-win. My husband gets to be orally blessed, and I get chocolate. What’s not to love? I have also read that pineapple juice (to be drunk by your husband, not actually used during oral sex) sweetens the taste of semen. If your issue is flavor rather than consistency, this is worth trying.
Hair, hair, hair. Face it. Dealing with stray hairs in the teeth or on the tongue isn’t on anyone’s bucket list. One solution is for your husband to trim or remove the hair on the shaft, scrotum, and entire pubic region to make a more pleasant experience for you. If this is something you and your husband would like to try, you can even do the shaving/trimming as part of foreplay.
The Neighborhood. There’s a lot else that happens in the area of your husband’s body; sweat accumulates in the folds of the groin and, well, not to put too fine a point on it, your husband’s rear end is pretty close by. Any inattention to hygiene is going to be an issue for most women. With him in my mouth, I will be breathing through my nose, after all. When my husband knows that he is going to receive oral sex, he jumps into the shower to get extra clean. He wants me to enjoy what I’m doing so I’ll do it even more. Ask your husband to take a shower or quick sponge bath. You could even take one with him. This will give you a chance to start with some foreplay as well as make sure he’s as clean as you want him to be. Or, if you’d like to try some role playing, you could be a sexy nurse giving your husband a sponge bath in bed. I keep some baby wipes in the bedroom just in case one of us needs to do a quick hygiene touch-up. Sometimes I’ll add extra scent to the room (either candles or some sexy lotion on my legs) to help disguise unwanted fragrance as well.
Ow. For some of us, giving oral sex can be physically difficult. I have chronic sinus issues, which makes it difficult to breathe while he is in my mouth. I have arthritis in my knees, which limits positions. I have the smallest mouth my dentist has ever seen. So what can you do if oral sex is uncomfortable? Take frequent breaks from the action. If I keep my fingers around the base of the penis, then I can keep up with stimulation even if I have take a quick break (which I can often do while he is still in my mouth by making my jaw go slack and taking some breaths). If I am planning ahead to give my husband oral sex, I will take a decongestant medication for my sinuses and a pain reliever for my knees.
I mentioned this in the Gag Reflex post, but it works here, too: Add some other stimulation to decrease the actual mouth time. Have oral sex in front of a mirror so your husband can watch from multiple angles. Begin with a striptease or a massage or a good hand job to get him all worked up before your mouth moves in for the action.
You may have many reasons you would prefer not to give your husband oral sex. I get it. It isn’t easy to get past some of them. I still struggle with it sometimes. But every single time I push through these struggles, I know that my husband comes away feeling incredibly loved and blessed. And he’s worth it.